Lex and the City

Talon

2008-12-29T22:48:00.000-08:00

I'm home for the holidays. Earlier today, I was digging through my old stuff when I chanced on an old and tattered notebook that contains most of the Tagalog poems I wrote when I was stilll in high schoool.

You see, I used to write a lot in Tagalog. I was part of the editorial board of our school's Tagalog paper. There was a time that I also ventured into writing Tagalog poems.

Talon (Falls)

Malakas ang agos at tila nakatatangay,

ang ragasa ng iyong tubig -

sa batuhan at sa mga mumunting daluyan.

Ang misteryo ng iyong pinagmulan,

sa sinag ng araw, sa ulap, o sa malamig na ulan.

Wari ko'y mula sa tuktok ng langit

at patuloy ang pagbagsak sa lupang mainit.

Hindi na mabilang ang iyong nabighani -

naakit, nawili.

Sa iyong mapanganib at malalim na simula,

ako ay umibig.

Ang iyong maingay na pagdaloy -

at waring nagkukubli, nagtatago -

ng lihim, sikreto, ng susi sa iyong misteryo.

Sa patuloy na paglagaslas ng tubig -

sa kasabay ng malamig na pag-ihip -

Aking buong-buong ibibigay -

Ang buhay -

Sa iyo, at sa talon na iyong pinagmulan.

300

2008-09-27T17:01:00.000-07:00

It seems that it's been ages. As you said it the other day, it's not even a year but you feel that we have known each other for half our lives.

I agree. I know now that eating fish and your name would not belong in the same sentence. Ever. Except now.

That you like eating this spanish bread from a small bakery in Banawa.

That you prefer White Chocolate Mocha over other drinks.

That it would only need to look into your sweaty palms to know your nervous / excited.

That you hate electric fan or airconditioning while sleeping. You even use comforter for crying out loud!

That you are super concious of your chicken legs.

I know that you love Cari Dee fron ANTM Cycle 7.

And you feel that you're a re-incarnation of Serena from Gossip Girl.

I know now that you hate watching Superhero movies.

And would prefer Mamma Mia over Dark Knight!

Today, I'd know when to stop talking and just listen.

I've mastered reading between the lines because you've mistaken me for a mind-reader so many times.

That silence is your best weapon against me when we argue.

And that never stopped me from arguing with you still.

That your voice becomes shrilly when your mad.

And about ten tone lower when you're dead-on serious.

I know that your family is your biggest treasure.

And that you'll do anything in this world for them.

I have seen how you become more and more of your dad.

Specially when you're mad :)

I can picture out your ugliest face when you cry, snot and all.

And the biggest smile when you're happy.

Oh and yeah, I know how much you love me.

A Happy Father's Day Story

2008-06-16T02:01:00.000-07:00

*** Something I copied from one of my favorite blogs. I made some major major modifications though. I changed the ending and some circumstances, I also made the story and the conversation longer. We'll basically, I stole his idea and made it mine. Plagiarism ikaw ba yan? ***

First, I feel the bed bounce. Then, I hear a voice, his voice. “Wake up dad! Wake up dad! Wake up dad,” he says with an urgency only a seven year old can generate. The bedsprings squeak underneath me.

I half-open my eyes. There he is, Sean, my son, my very reason I open my eyes every morning, jumping on the mattress like a trampoline artist. “Stop that,” I say gently. He stops, sits astride my belly, and forces my eyes wide open with his little fingers.

“Happy fathers day, dad,” he says. Then he kisses my left and right cheek, leaving a warm seal of saliva on both surfaces.

"Thank you." Noticing the absence of my langga in the room, I ask him, "Where’s your other dad? Have you greeted him?”

“I did. He's in the kitchen making breakfast. He asked me to wake you up. Or else, we might be late…”

As he spoke, I notice for the first time that the edge of his left eyebrow is turned slightly upward. Just like langga's. This brings my tally of Traits Sean Inherited From Langga to nineteen. And this is always a source of good fun between me and his other dad. I would always say, "He can have your looks but the hell I'll fight tooth and nails so he'll have my brains. And Langga would always concede. Hahaha!

. "At least we know he'll end up a handsome guy," langga once said. "And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked, feigning indignation.

“… late for our trip to the beach later. Dad says that we still have to pass by the grocery to buy stuff for our barbecue. Can I get a gum? Puhlease? Or a new toy car? King ate the last one you got me."

"Of course, but you have to promise me to clean up everytime after playing, ok? You know that dog chews just about anything." I said.

"Ok, I pwamis." With his right hand raised to a pledge.

"I love you. Do you love Daddy too?"

"Of course! Why do you always ask that? Just like Daddy!"

Because I want to know that you love me. Because I would die if I lose you. Because I want to be assured that you are mine. Even if you're not, wholly. I told myself.

"Because - well, just because! Why? Can't daddies ask questions like that?"

"You can! Uhm, dad..."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, young man." Then I grabbed him by his tiny waist and gave him the biggest hug and a smooch.

"Dad! Stop it. You're tickling me." He bellowed.

Even the way he speaks reminds me of my langga.

I let him go and he started jumping up and down again. "Hurry up Dad! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!" he was saying in a sing-song.

I checked the clock. It says: “5:15 a.m. June 15, 2011.

I looked at him and saw my life - this little person jumping up and down changed my life, the course of my history. And I told myself - whoever is up there that made this possible, I owe you a lot. Thank you.

“Don’t worry,” I tell my son. “We have plenty of time.”

www.misterhubs.blogspot.com

This too shall pass...

2008-06-09T02:27:00.000-07:00

This too shall pass. There are good days; there are bad days. There will be days when you’re crowned king of the world. Be humble; this too shall pass. There will be days when you just want the earth to open up and swallow you whole. Chin up; this too shall pass.

And then came the night....

2008-04-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

Shit happens. But we are starting anew.

101 Days

2008-03-20T13:48:00.000-07:00

101 Days

of joy

and laughter

and heartache

and tears

and smiles

and sharing a bottle of beer

and stick of cig

and of late dinners

and brunches

and early dawn breakfast

and midnight conversation

and dreams

and fears

and anticipation

and friends

and family

and work

and frustration

and triumphs

and petty fights

and sweet reconciliaton

and corny SMS

and unforgettable moments

with you.

"For you, a thousand times over." The Kite Runner

I Wish You Knew

2007-10-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

As I listen to you my heart skip a
beat...

I wish I am telling you what am typing
right now...

but then again, only my blog knows...

You are far but yet so near...

SO near that I can touch you, feel
you...

You eyes speaks a million words about
your soul...

How fragile you are...

I wanna keep you, protect you... be
with you...

But love is not my right to say...

It is not mine and I wish it is...

As i sing you songs, I realize that my
heart is unfolding itself...

ever so carefully revealing itself

I wish you could tame me...

I wish... I love you... I could not
say...

I will keep this till the day my
breath departs

I will love you... but love is not
mine to keep...

Let My Heart Sing

2007-10-24T22:58:00.000-07:00

*** Again, another repost from one of my favorite blogs.***

I know that you are going through a lot right now and I feel for you. As I have told you before, compared to what you have been through, my life is bland, trivial and shallow. So forgive me if I cannot emphatize to your feelings right now. The most that I can do is be there for you. Be at your side when the times calls for it.

Sometimes we need an outsider's perspective to see the better side of things. To tell you honestly, I was *this* close to giving up on this. Remember when I texted you about finally understanding what your Ex was saying when he said - "You're too much to handle."
I was at that stage earlier today. I admit that it was for selfish reasons. I didn't want you to go, I can't afford that right now. Tell me that I'm a bad person for wanting the things that I want - that would be fine, I will accept that. I mean, when you said that you might go back to the States to be with your ex just to see your son, my heart just sunk. Again, for selfish reasons, I did not even try to understand what you are feeling at the moment when you realized that you might need to make that decision in
the future.

I talked to John - the guy I dated last year. He said things that made me realize that this might just be a bump along the road. He told me how I made him feel important and how I inspired him to be a better person. I never thought I had that in me. He told me that if I value the person, I need to stand by his side specially when times are rough. Today, more than ever, you needed me to be supportive, to be there, to at least listen - but I wasn't able to do that - because I always thought I was beyond this feeling. I always thought that I would never let myself be affected by other facets of your life. I always thought that loving you was enough to pull me through everything that would come. I always thought that this feeling would teach me to accept your past. Well, I thought wrong.

It's not true that love is all we need. Sometimes, love would be challenged, it would wane, like gold it would eventually lose its luster. I have been looking into things through rose-colored glasses. I was high up there. I was intoxicated with all these strangely remote but familiar feelings. But reality suddenly reality hits you right in front of your face. And we all know that reality is not an easy thing to accept. The harshness of the things that I had to bear with was so enormous that I bucked under it. I faltered. I failed you. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry because I became emotionally weak. I'm sorry because I was not strong enough.
I'm sorry because I failed you. I'm sorry because this is the both the best and worst time
to tell you this.

I hope you'll forgive me - for I have learned a lesson. Love is not enough. We need compassion. We need understanding - far greater than any I have experienced before. I need patience. And I just realized that you've taught me those. I realized that I have been more
compassionate to others. More understanding of people's shortcomings. More forgiving
at times even. Patience was something that I don't have - but you also thought me that.

I understand you now.

With that, let me say: Count me in for the long haul. This might sound cheesy, but let me
say it anyway, I'm just here. I'm staying and it would take more than what you are
experiencing rght now for me to give up.

Love Love

*** END ****

www.mountainest.livejournal.com

-lexie-

PS: Ang haba no? Ang drama pa. Huwag mo akong tawanan kasi sasakalin kita! Hmp!

Rated as Overrated

2007-10-18T22:32:00.000-07:00
Tagged by Jappy:

1. Reality TV Shows

Wheter be it local or international. For example; Pinoy Big Brother, come on! Who in their right minds would believe that real people act like that? Some say it's a social experiment, some would say it's breakthrough TV, I'd say, it's the same format over and over again: Put a group of people together, maroon them somewhere, make then do task or challenges and dangle a hefty cash prize - people would act like that, in front of the camera for the ratings!

2. Super Models

I know that I have been watching too much "America's Next Top Model" lately, but that only fortified my belief that being a model is overrated. Imagine, not accepting a job that would pay less that $10,000! Ridiculous!

3. Designer Clothes

I love clothes! I love shopping. But please - put a weird sounding name on it and price multiplies one hundred fold.

4. Gangsters / Rockers

Puhleassseee!

5. Philippines Politics

Hello Garci? ZTE? Erap?

6. New Age Whathaveyou / Self-Help Guru's

I can't understand why they call it "New Age" when the concept that their selling has been in existence and practived for the longest time. Ang oh, the self-help thingie, if you want to really improve yourself, you don't need a book/speaker to tell you that. You'll only make them richer.

7. Sex

Yes, sex is overrated.

8. Discrimination

This should have been left in the last century.

9. Street Parliaments / Activism

Gone are the days when being tagged as "tibak" was a heroic thing. Marcos is dead. Let's focus our energies in nation-building instead, like what we should have done years ago.

10. USA

Three words: Iraq, Katrina, Bush.
'nuff said.

Emotional Procrastination

2007-09-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

This is a re-post, something written by a friend in his blogs. I highlighted some on my fave lines.

Emotional Procrastination...

One sure thing that caught my attention recently is destiny, no not the girl band but destiny itself. I am not a believer of destiny but at this point somehow I can use the term... I go for like destiny is how you make it... Ahmmm, that wasnt the case on my part. Though it was not my intention of sending a message to someone and it didn’t cross my mind that it would be something more than what I was opt to do that night. It's not everyday when surprise surprise, I meet this one extra ordinary exemption from the common people you bump to on a day-to-day basis.

In relation to that, when do you say that what you feel is love? Can we gauge it enough? Is it time that tells whether what you feel is love? I hope things can be perfectly clear... Its hard cause when emotions take over you, it just sets you in auto pilot. It takes you to certain mental states. It shrouds decision making, affects your senses, and it takes you away from logic. Am afraid, I have been hurt and I think since then I could no longer afford getting hurt again. Risk taking is something I have learned. But it has to go along with how to check if the risk I am taking is feasible. When it comes to investing emotions, every person in this world is as if they are businessmen. Trading and transacting, collaborating. Some of them gains and some looses... I loose a lot though, but i don’t bother, with loosing comes strength because it just gives me enough experience to get along to the next level of my journey.

Emotional bankruptcy, been to it a lot. I came across lines saying that you don’t have to settle for less. When people say that, how in the world would they know if their not settling for less if they wont get into it? Not my opinion, but someone told me that when looking for the right person you don’t have to necessarily wait. I ought to remember then that destiny is what you make out of it. We make things happen and destiny is based on our decisions and choices we make. So, its true then that its actually you who makes the person right for the moment. I hope this makes sense.

When saying our I love you's, do we have to wait to confirm it? There's no telling what will happen next... We may not feel the same as what we feel yesterday when we still feel that weird feeling that we ought to be confuse about whether its love or not. When we wait, we just lose the chance of saying our I love yous because we get busy contemplating about it. its just like you cry over losing a pet or something. Time and time passes til you will eventually get over it. Its like love as a feeling comes a time that it ceases to exist. Why wait, when you have all the chance of saying it?

I'm dense....

2007-09-10T19:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am dense.

I am not good in reading between the lines.

I am used to people saying things that needs to be said.

I am dense.And I'm sorry.

No, I don't assume things.

That's just way too scary for me.

We talked about self-preservation, remember?

Apprehensions, I have millions.

But I'm learning, I'm trying to reach out.

I'm taking baby steps.

This is way beyond my comfort zone and you know that.

Give me time and I'll be comfortable with your life.

I'd say YES to your question - if you ask me again.

I was reading the blog entry that you wrote last night.

There are two things I want to say....

Awwww... That's sweet. Thank you.

"I ought to remember then that destiny is what you make out of it. We make things happen and destiny is based on our decisions and choices we make. So, its true then that its actually you who makes the person right for the moment. I hope this makes sense." JS, 09.11.2007

Morning Song

2007-09-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

Part of this song was posted in a networking site.

As far as I know, he knew this song because of me. I played this the last time we were together. T'was almost a week ago. I visited his site and there it was - that line - posted somewhere - in the introduction.

It just so happened that our conversation started from work and turned into comparing songs from our CP's. I told him this is one of my favorite songs. "Morning Song" basically talks about what happens the morning after you had sex. Some part of the lyrics could be explicit but since it was Jewel, it was kinda wholesome. And just to set the record straight, the only "notes" that we compared was from our favorite songs.

I'm not sure what to make out of it. If this was posted for me, I'm tickled pink. If not, well, that's just a bummer, right?

MORNING SONG (Jewel)

Let the phone ring.
Let's go back to sleep.
Let the world spin outside our door,
You're the only one that I wanna see.
Tell your boss you're sick,
Hurry, get back in, I'm getting cold.
Get over here and warm my hands up, boy,
It's you they love to hold.
And stop thinking about what your sister said.
And stop worry'n about it,
Yes, the cat's already been fed.
Come on darlin', let's go back to bed.

(Chorus)
Put the phone machine on hold.
Leave the dishes in the sink.
Do not answer the door.
It's you that I adore, (for you I'll be a poor man's wife)
I'm gonna give you some more.

We'll sit on the front porch,
The sun can warm my feet.
You can drink your coffee with sugar and cream,
I'll drink my decaf herbal tea.
Pretend we're perfect strangers
And that we never met.
My, you remind me of a man I used to sleep with,
That's a face I'd never forget.
You can be Henry Miller and I'll be Anais Nin,
Except this time it'll be even better,
We'll stay together in the end.
Come on darlin', let's go back to bed.

(Chorus)

Dance With Me?

2007-08-27T17:50:00.000-07:00

This is a post from one of the blogs I regularly read. I was planning to write somehting of this sort but when I read this, I thought it said whatever I wanna say, perfectly. So read on...

Dance With Me?

They say it takes two to tango, three to tangle. (ed.)

Okay, okay, I digress. Take two.

They say it takes two to tango. But for the longest time I can’t seem to find a right dance partner for me. Every time I get dragged onto the dance floor by what turns out to be an inappropriate dance partner, I just end up getting my feet—and heart—trampled over. No wonder I enjoy dancing solo on the ledge, away from it all.

So now I’m wondering: maybe it is not so much finding the One, your perfect dance partner. Maybe everyone’s a worthy dance partner in his or her own right; it’s just that some will jive better with you more than others. To the former you stay with them longer; to the latter, you politely go through the proper steps before twirling gracefully away.

Maybe life is just one big ballroom and everyone gets to try out different partners from time to time. Some are lucky to find a partner whom they want to stick it out with them to the end. Others get bored with just one partner. Still others end up going from one dancer to the next, always looking and never stopping.

Meanwhile I’m still here dancing solo and saying to myself, “Hey, this isn’t so bad. At least the music is kick-ass.”

visit: http://mcvie6.blogsppot.com

Sup Call No More

2007-08-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we ignore others silent cry for help. It could be because we are too busy minding our own lives, waiting for things to happen. I am very much guilty of this.

He was my former agent. We worked together for a couple of months. He became one of my yosi-buddies. We became friends.

Having someone close die makes us realizes of our own mortality. Life is indeed short for some.

For Team Doug - I know this is a very painful time in your lives - and I can relate to the sadness. The shock will subside, the pain will recede but the memories should remain. We should never forget him.

In his own way, he made our lives happier, more meaningful. He used to tell me that he loves being in Escalations only because you can always tell our customers the truth. No sugarcoating. He would ask me for smoke breaks when he gets to be very emotional about his calls.

To Butch - we will miss you.

There's no Sup Calls in heaven.

Are we old na?

2007-08-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with my best college bud, Raymomd last night. We were reminiscing our college days and the days ahead of us. It was so much fun I decided to post some of the things we have talked about...

raymond: asan ka?
Alexis Chan: sa cebu pa rin
Alexis Chan: why?
Alexis Chan: u?
raymond: nothing
raymond: just asking
Alexis Chan: you?
Alexis Chan: musta naman?
raymond: dumadalaw ka pa ba sa family mo dito sa manila?
raymond: just at home
raymond: restday, finally
Alexis Chan: san ka ba ngayon connected?
raymond: still with GMA pa rin naman
Alexis Chan: ano ka ba dyan?
Alexis Chan: EP na?
raymond: SP lang no
raymond: ayoko eh
raymond: etchos
Alexis Chan: wow
Alexis Chan: san ka ba?
Alexis Chan: IMB pa rin?
raymond: imbes pa rin
raymond: kokonti na lang kaming natira
raymond: puro bago na mga kasama ko
raymond: ako na ata ang isa sa mga seniors
Alexis Chan: kamusta worK?
raymond: it sucks
raymond: pero wala akong choice
Alexis Chan: bakit naman?
Alexis Chan: SP ka na kaya
Alexis Chan: EP na sunod dyan
Alexis Chan: gwapo mo naman
raymond: gago
Alexis Chan: walang joke
raymond: sa camera lang
raymond: hahhahahha
Alexis Chan: are you in a relationship?
raymond: nope
Alexis Chan: i mean now?
raymond: hanap mo nga ako
Alexis Chan: bakit naman?
raymond: hahahahaha
Alexis Chan: busy?
raymond: di naman
raymond: ayaw eh
Alexis Chan: toinks
Alexis Chan: may multiply ka?
raymond: wala po
raymond: masaya nko sa friendster
Alexis Chan: ganun?
Alexis Chan: mas maraming pics sa multiply
Alexis Chan: visit lexie717.multiply.com
raymond: sige, ill take note on that
raymond: umuuwi ka pa ba dito sa manila?
Alexis Chan: oo naman
Alexis Chan: sept, i will be going there
raymond: sige let me know, meet kita
Alexis Chan: sureness
Alexis Chan: nakita mo na multiply ko?
Alexis Chan: mas streamline kasi sa multiply
raymond: later
Alexis Chan: tapos dami storage space sa pics
Alexis Chan: limitless
raymond: bagal ng server ko
raymond: nagdadownload kasi ako
raymond: later na lang ha
Alexis Chan: ganun
Alexis Chan: porn?
raymond: loko
raymond: music naman
raymond: mp3
Alexis Chan: ah okay
Alexis Chan: ano ba ginagawa ng SP?
raymond: writer, director, edit supervisor
Alexis Chan: wow
Alexis Chan: dami naman
raymond: plan to be one?
Alexis Chan: no
Alexis Chan: i dont think I can start a nw career
Alexis Chan: i mean New
Alexis Chan: kapagod na eh
raymond: dahil?
Alexis Chan: ilang taon na ako dito sa work ko
raymond: yeah
Alexis Chan: sayang naman investment ng time
raymond: i look too old for my age
Alexis Chan: hahaha
Alexis Chan: me too
Alexis Chan: gwapo ka anaman
Alexis Chan: crush na kita uli
Alexis Chan: hahahah
raymond: loko
raymond: kumusta raw sabi ni jilson
raymond: hehehhehee
Alexis Chan: okay naman
Alexis Chan: hahahah
Alexis Chan: kamusta naman pagtuturo nya?
raymond: ok naman
raymond: siya raw ang adviser ng school paper nila
Alexis Chan: ganun?
raymond: wala ka na ba balak ipursue ang career on tv
Alexis Chan: i dont think so
Alexis Chan: kakapagod mag start
Alexis Chan: and i feel im too old to start anew
Alexis Chan: you?
raymond: what about?
raymond: gusto ko rin subukan ibang discipline ng mass media
raymond: like advertising
Alexis Chan: i mean, happy ka sa work?
raymond: happy?
raymond: for now, oo
Alexis Chan: i think im destined for corporate whoredom
raymond: nakikita ko na kasi yung fruit ng pinaghirapan ko
raymond: whore, talaga?
raymond: tarayy
Alexis Chan: yeah
Alexis Chan: i think so
Alexis Chan: grabe din kasi competition
Alexis Chan: but im still here ")
raymond: right
raymond: good for you
Alexis Chan: so feeling ko okay na rin ako dito
raymond: ayaw mong umalis sa confort zone mo?
Alexis Chan: but im happy dun sa mga nag pursue ng media sa batch natin
Alexis Chan: i want to someday
Alexis Chan: but i dont think im ready now
raymond: kelan pa?
Alexis Chan: i dunno
Alexis Chan: 30 maybe
Alexis Chan: probably
Alexis Chan: ipon muna
raymond: i see
raymond: marami rin naman pera sa media
raymond: yung doble kayod ka nga lang
Alexis Chan: i dont think its about the money naman
Alexis Chan: i think its really comfort zone din
Alexis Chan: hirap kasi makisabay sa mga freash grads
Alexis Chan: yung hunger and passion nila is different
Alexis Chan: jaded na tayo
raymond: jaded
Alexis Chan: yup
raymond: natawa lang ako
Alexis Chan: hahaha
raymond: i remember that work sa class ni ms lulu ignacio
Alexis Chan: bakit naman?
Alexis Chan: hahahaha
raymond: that was the first time na nalaman ko menaing ng word na yun
raymond: tanga no
raymond: taray ni gilda
Alexis Chan: nakita ko pics nya sa london
raymond: madalas ko siya kachat
Alexis Chan: dun na ba sya based?
raymond: yup
raymond: i guess so
Alexis Chan: ah ok
Alexis Chan: kmusta naman sya?
raymond: shes good
Alexis Chan: good
raymond: nililigawan ko nga pero ayaw naman
raymond: hahaahhaha
raymond: at least para may bubuhay na sakin
Alexis Chan: ganun?
Alexis Chan: si G?
Alexis Chan: kakaloka ka
raymond: binibiro ko lang
raymond: baka sumakay
Alexis Chan: ah ok
Alexis Chan: ikaw
Alexis Chan: ano balak mo?
raymond: with gilda?
raymond: wala lang
raymond: friends lang kami
Alexis Chan: no
Alexis Chan: i mean... for the next say, 5 years
raymond: ill go on cam
Alexis Chan: wow
Alexis Chan: ill be waiting for that day!
Alexis Chan: as in
raymond: this year try ko na mag-audition
Alexis Chan: im gonna tell everyone that I know na friend kita nung college
Alexis Chan: ill be very happy when that happens
Alexis Chan: seriously!
raymond: putcha kasi, may mga nakapasa na fresh grad lang for training na
Alexis Chan: uu nga
Alexis Chan: dami new faces sa syete
Alexis Chan: sa news
raymond: wala pang background for writing
Alexis Chan: hindi naman magagaling
raymond: yeah
raymond: ikaw?
Alexis Chan: dito pa rin
Alexis Chan: sana that time Senior Ops Manager na ako
Alexis Chan: hahahaha
raymond: wala naman masama
Alexis Chan: uu nga
Alexis Chan: but thats still far from that
Alexis Chan: 3 months pa lang me as OM eh
raymond: ur almost half na
raymond: om?
Alexis Chan: Ops Manager
Alexis Chan: sa multiply ko punta ka
Alexis Chan: u'llsee how well loved ako ng agents ko from here sa cebu
Alexis Chan: but i love them more
Alexis Chan: hahaha
raymond: as in?
Alexis Chan: yep!
Alexis Chan: ano ba kasi yang dinadownload mo ha?
Alexis Chan: oist, naka visit ka na ba sa feu?
Alexis Chan: an balita?
Alexis Chan: ano balita?
raymond: yup
raymond: hay naku, sobrang ganda niya as in
Alexis Chan: last ko nakapunta dun nung kuhaan ng toga
raymond: ibang level na siya
raymond: promise
Alexis Chan: balita ko nga
Alexis Chan: magkano na ba tuition ngayon dun?
raymond: i dnt know
raymond: goodluck na lang siguro
Alexis Chan: uu nga
raymond: bakit mo naitanong?
raymond: ang nursing daw 50k
Alexis Chan: grabe naman!
Alexis Chan: 200% increase ba itu?
Alexis Chan: hahaha
Alexis Chan: ano na ba itsura?
raymond: state of the art na siya
Alexis Chan: ive heard
raymond: pinalayas lang tayo saka pinaganda yung campus
Alexis Chan: uu nga eh
Alexis Chan: sino na ba chairman sa masscom?
raymond: si mam garin pa rin
raymond: nung masscomm week nila
Alexis Chan: ah si maam garin na ba?
raymond: they have invited me to be their speaker
Alexis Chan: hindi na ung taga channel 4?
raymond: katakot
Alexis Chan: wow
Alexis Chan: so ano naman na share mo sa mga estudyante?
raymond: di ko nga alam kung ano pinagsasabi ko dun
Alexis Chan: hahahah
raymond: media sucks
Alexis Chan: sus, ikaw pa....
raymond: hahahaha
Alexis Chan: thats right... should have prepared them for the reality
Alexis Chan: sa real world
Alexis Chan: na after graduation eh hindi na pwede ung sumasabit ka lang sa team mates mo
Alexis Chan: para maging cum laude
Alexis Chan: hahaha
Alexis Chan: bitter pa rin ako until today
raymond: korek
raymond: pansin ko nga
raymond: hayaan mo, lost naman ang career nya
Alexis Chan: uu nga
Alexis Chan: hahahaha
Alexis Chan: we are still mean
Alexis Chan: tulad pa rin ng dati
Alexis Chan: hahaha
Alexis Chan: nakita ko nga yung pics sa Advocate
raymond: hahaahahha
Alexis Chan: hindi ko na kilala yung mga tao dun
Alexis Chan: nung nagsusulat ako dun... parang mga elementary pa lang yung mga yun eh
Alexis Chan: wala akong kilala sa masthead nila
Alexis Chan: are we old na?
raymond: ammm.. i must admit, yes
Alexis Chan: ewww... syet
Alexis Chan: pakshet

Alexis Chan: uy, baka dyan ako sa manila next week
Alexis Chan: kapag na approve VL ko kita tyo
Alexis Chan: punta tayo sa FEU
Alexis Chan: may starbucks pa rin ba dun?
Alexis Chan: alam ko meron ng yellow cab
Alexis Chan: sosyal na
raymond: sure
Alexis Chan: sige ha
Alexis Chan: text kita
raymond: ill wait for that
raymond: sama natin si _______
raymond: hahahahaha
Alexis Chan: toinks
Alexis Chan: yoko nga
Alexis Chan: hahahaha
Alexis Chan: sama natin si father
raymond: korek
raymond: tapos chat natin si gilda
raymond: sosyal
raymond: hahahahah
Alexis Chan: hahaha
Alexis Chan: keri
raymond: got ur laptop?
Alexis Chan: kamusta naman ung iba?
Alexis Chan: wala akong laptop eh
raymond: si robel andito na raw sa marikina
Alexis Chan: impractical for me
raymond: sobrang need ko sa work kasi
Alexis Chan: i work everyday in front of a PC tapos laptop pa rin pag-uwi
Alexis Chan: walang life????
Alexis Chan: hhahaha
Alexis Chan: uy... meron akong bagong inspiration
Alexis Chan: sa multiply ko sya
Alexis Chan: hahahaha
raymond: sino?
raymond: share mo naman
Alexis Chan: basta
Alexis Chan: dun sya
Alexis Chan: tignan mo sa pics
Alexis Chan: hahahah
Alexis Chan: u know naman ung mga type ko eh
Alexis Chan: hahahaha
raymond: do i need to register para maview ko account mo?
Alexis Chan: not really
Alexis Chan: lexie717.multiply.com

Lift Me Up

2007-08-12T03:18:00.000-07:00

This is my new favorite song.... I have yet to download this though...

Lift Me Up
Geri Halliwell

Watch the first light Kiss the new world It's a wonder, baby like you and I All the colours of the rainbow Going somewhere, baby like you and I It's gonna be alright But when my sky clouds over (Lift me up) when the day is over (Take me up) when the sun is going down (Show me love) and I'll be your angel now (Lift me up) when the lights are fading (Talk me down) when I'm flying way up high (Show me love) and I'll be your angel for life Your angel for life Like the seasons ever changing Everlasting baby like you and I It's gonna be alright But when my sky clouds over CHORUS No matter where we run Who knows what we will become Is there a world we know Where life will naturally CHORUS

Life..... or someone like it.

2007-08-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

I remember how I used to complain about not having a life at all.

I just realized that life is something that you have make. It does not come to you and say.... "Hey... you need to have a life." You have to create it.

I am trying to create a life.... and I am loving every moment of it :)

Oh Cebu!

2007-08-06T01:53:00.000-07:00

(This is a re-post of blog I wrote two years ago. I'm paying tribute to this city that adopted me and celebrating it's Charter Day).

Whoever said that Manila has it all has definitely not been to Cebu.

I mean, I have lived here for the last nine months and I am almost loving every bit of it. And why not? We (as in Cebuanos, feeling!) have the best beaches, good food, great night life, most sacred of history and best of all --- nice and gorgeous people.

There is no other place in the world that you can be go from a bustling and booming metropolis to the most serene of beaches in under two hours? Only in Cebu! You can go to Bohol, Ilo-ilo, Bacolod,Siquijor in just matter of hours!

Here, you can do things to your heart's content. Cebu has it all. If you're like me that loves to see places, this is the perfect spot for you. You like going to the beach, easy. You can go scuba diving, snorkelling and para-sailing, if your the adventurous type. How about going to the malls, visiting historical places (like the Mactan Shrine and Colon, the first street in the Philippines, be careful though when going there, you've been to Divisoria)?

Cebu is also less crowded and polluted than Manila. You can still breath clean air without the fear of developing asthma after two hours. Here, the population is much, much lesser compared to Manila (except during Sinulog, then you need to ask yourself, "Where are all this people coming from??).

Going out on a weekend? Though I rarely to this because of the nature of my job, I can say that Cebu brings its own flavor into the the Saturday night party scene. Though compared to Manila, here, it is a lot tamer. But still the same, if your purpose is to get wasted, have fun and meet fab-o-lous people.

Speaking of....

Cebuanos has a certain kind of charm. I dunno, maybe it's the way they speak. Or maybe the fact that (my observation) they make an effort to be really different from the Manilenyos. I mean, they always try to put a local touch in everything they do. They have the sweetest smile that can capture your heart (like me!).

I have meet a lot of wonderful people staying here and I must admit that like many others, I was smitten by what Cebu and the Cebuanos has to offer.
I'm sounding more of a spokesperson for Cebu tourism, I think I should get paid for this, really!

But what is the real reason why I am in love with Cebu so much? I dunno. Maybe because they have accepted me as one of their own (did they?), or maybe because I tried to find a refuge and they gave me one. Or maybe, just because maybe, I'm head-over-heels in-love with a true-(and hot)-bloodied Cebuano?

CVG Weekly Volleyball Game

2007-08-06T01:27:00.000-07:00

Hey Ya'll!

I'm inviting everyone that is interested to join our Weekly Volleybal Game!

We play every Sunday @ Abellana. We start the game at 5pm. This is CVG employees that plays volleyball.

Please approach me or OM Ugn if you are interested.

We had our first game last Sunday and it was fun! You should join!

Apocalypse Now!

2007-08-06T00:21:00.000-07:00

It was a just matter of time.

The heyday is over.

The powers that be that controls the browsing universe has caught up.

The chaos has started and there is only one thing to do about it.

Look for a proxy!

Multiply has been offcially blocked.

Blogthings Etc. Part 3

2007-07-12T23:07:00.002-07:00

Things that we do when we're bored. Hahaha!

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces

Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship
And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can
Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing
A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Guy Should You Date?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.
You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?
Oh! I've always felt that I'm half-Irish!

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Cruel Intentions

"I'm the only girl you can't have, and it kills you."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?
This is one of my fave movies!

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Belong in 1987

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Love Life is Like Annie Hall

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies."

You believe that love (if you even believe in love!) is a very complicated thing.
Maybe love is pain. Or maybe it's all a big therapy session. You're still figuring it out.

Your love style: Brainy and a bit neurotic

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Realistic and reflective

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

Blogthings Etc. Part 3

2007-07-12T23:07:00.001-07:00

Things that we do when we're bored. Hahaha!

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces

Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship
And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can
Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing
A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Guy Should You Date?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.
You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?
Oh! I've always felt that I'm half-Irish!

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Cruel Intentions

"I'm the only girl you can't have, and it kills you."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?
This is one of my fave movies!

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Belong in 1987

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Love Life is Like Annie Hall

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies."

You believe that love (if you even believe in love!) is a very complicated thing.
Maybe love is pain. Or maybe it's all a big therapy session. You're still figuring it out.

Your love style: Brainy and a bit neurotic

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Realistic and reflective

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

Blogthings Etc. Part 3

2007-07-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

Things that we do when we're bored. Hahaha!

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces

Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship
And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can
Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing
A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Guy Should You Date?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.
You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?
Oh! I've always felt that I'm half-Irish!

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Cruel Intentions

"I'm the only girl you can't have, and it kills you."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?
This is one of my fave movies!

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Belong in 1987

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Love Life is Like Annie Hall

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies."

You believe that love (if you even believe in love!) is a very complicated thing.
Maybe love is pain. Or maybe it's all a big therapy session. You're still figuring it out.

Your love style: Brainy and a bit neurotic

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Realistic and reflective

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

Blogthings Etc. Part 3

2007-07-12T23:04:00.000-07:00

Things that we do when we're bored. Hahaha!

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces

Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship
And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can
Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing
A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Guy Should You Date?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.
You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?
Oh! I've always felt that I'm half-Irish!

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Cruel Intentions

"I'm the only girl you can't have, and it kills you."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?
This is one of my fave movies!

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Belong in 1987

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Love Life is Like Annie Hall

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies."

You believe that love (if you even believe in love!) is a very complicated thing.
Maybe love is pain. Or maybe it's all a big therapy session. You're still figuring it out.

Your love style: Brainy and a bit neurotic

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Realistic and reflective

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

Blogthings Etc. Part 2

2007-07-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed doing the first one, so I'm making a second list. This pseudo personality tests are so fun! This is a great stress-reliever!

You Are Strawberries with Cream

Fresh and uncomplicated, you are always enjoyed but often overlooked.
You're confident in who you are. You don't need a facade to feel better about yourself.

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person.
However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways.
You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order.
You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

People Envy Your Energy

You've got the drive and determination to keep your life in order, and you are on track to be a huge success. People tend to envy all you've got in life, but they don't understand the work that goes behind it!

What Do People Envy About You?

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush.
You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Your Power Level is: 74%

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

How Powerful Are You?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Genius Assassin. Where You Lived: Austria. How You Died: Typhoid fever.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Beyonce

"Tonight I'll be your naughty girl
I'm callin all my girls
Gonna turn this party out
I know you want my body."

You've got the talent, looks, and attitude to get to the top of the charts.

Who's Your Inner Pop Princess?
Hahahah! This SO FUNNY!

Your Musical Tastes Match: Jennifer Garner

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

Blogthings Etc.

2007-07-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

This was something that Borj did. I'm also doing this since I got so bored doing some reports.

Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Peaches

Exotic Dancer Name Generator

You Are Most Like Christina Aguilera

“I'm experimental by nature...always exploring my creativity.”

What Modern Bombshell Are You Most Like?

You Are Trinity

"Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again."

What Superheroine Are You?

You Are Most Like Charlotte!

You are the ultimate romantic idealist You've been hurt before, but that hasn't caused you to give up on love. If anything, your resolve to fall in love is stronger than ever. And it's this feminine optimism that men find most appealing about you. Romantic prediction: That guy you are seeing (or crushing on)? Could be very serious - if you play your cards right!

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do.

You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.

You are a little shy and easily embarrassed. You often wonder if you are normal.

In relationships, you tend to be very romantic and demanding. You'll treat your partner like gold, but you expect a lot in return.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

You Date Like a Woman

According to studies on dating, you date like a woman. You tend to take romance seriously, and you're not really out for a fling. A mental and emotional connection always comes first for you. And rushing the physical stuff is likely to turn you off. You're highly selective when it comes to dating, and some may say you're too picky. You know what you want, and when you find it, you're ready to commit.

Do You Date Like a Man or a Woman?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Can this be real?

2007-07-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is from Borj's account. It's not blocked today so I decided to take some quizzes.

***Your Birthdate: July 17***

You love being in love... so much so that it's very hard for you to be single.
Unfortunately, it's difficult for you to stay in love over time. Too many people intrigue you!
Only your true love will be able to keep you interested over time.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 4

You are most compatible with people born on the 8th, 17th, and 26th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanforyourlovelifequiz/

Tagged by DenDen and Roshelle

2007-07-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random habits/facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names.

I have read a lot of entries about being tagged... and I don't think mine is as interesting as the others. I don't have 7 entries, I have 41! But for the sake of following the rules, I will just put 7 here.

1. I love cotton buds - you know - that ear swabs. I clean my ears with it twice a day - before going to work and before sleeping.

2. I don't use shampoo and soap when I bathe during rest days. Unless I'm going out.

3. Joan Romales was my first crush. She was a ballet dancer. My second crush was Jolly Martin, she was our elementary salutatorian (tama ba spelling ko?), my third crush was Catherine Echiverri (she tied the knot last month!) - she was also our HS Salutatorian, plus she graduated Cum Laude. Over-achievers ang mga crushes ko.

4. I used to perform "Like a Virgin" and "Eternal Flame" accompanied by a minus one track. We had this new karaoke and my Tita's thought it was a fun idea for me to mimic Madonna and Bangles. This is where it all begun.

5. My favorirte time in the office is between 2pm to 6pm when I'm almost alone. Sometimes, it helps me see the bigger picture.

6. I have 4 favorite letters: LCMV. And puhlllease, this is not an acronym. I have always loved those letters!

7. Olay Total Effects is the best scientific breakthrough of the new millenium. Ang mga fine lines, parang nawala!

I am tagging: Paul E., Jeebs, Mark Millan, Benoi, Doug, Kaye and Jackie J.

M Knows He is LOVED

2007-03-04T00:17:00.000-08:00
This is plagiarism to the highest level. I copied this from a friends blog - and yeah - I think I know who he's talking about.

You said it best - intsik!

My friend knows what he is capable of. He may have chosen to be a stand-off most of the time, he remains endearing. I always remind him that he has all that it takes. He just have to know himself.

He is not devoid of good looks. I mean by just looking at his eyes, you could easily be swallowed by his commanding presence. The elusive smile is enough to make women and gays alike to get totally hooked. But then again, he knows his skills, not what he is made of.

I admire him for his choices. To seclude himself (like what he would like to impress to many) is an option he fairly enjoys. The mystery builds up. Well, he gets to have the attention he sourly avoids.

And yet I see in his eyes the desire to belong. He often reminds me of my own vulnerability. The difference is he's good at masking his own fears. I am not. I am as transparent as crystal. My friend is as ambiguous as the character in Vendetta.

I found myself engulfed by his charisma. I am thankful we get along. He is difficult to decipher. The mood is unbelievable. You have to get to know him for you to appreciate the mystique.

M does know that when love comes knocking on his door, he has no choice but to open it. I am looking forward to that day. For whatever reason, it interests me to know that despite his cynicism, he is capable of love.

I know, somewhere in his heart, he longs to love and be loved, like most of us.

POST - SCRIPT: (This is mine)

I liked how Intsik described M. It could be superficially true but in the end, who can say that we really knew anyone?

Eternal Flame and other things that's worth knowing about me!

2007-01-16T16:21:00.000-08:00
BORED.
I was doing my evaluations for my agents and I got so bored listening to the whiny customers that I decided to blog-hop.

I stumled upon a blog entry that listed trivial things about the author. You know, information that does not really mean a lot but fun to list down, and would only be useful WHEN I become a superstar and that game shows would have trivia questions about me. So I decided to make my own. Inggetera talaga ako.

1. I love cotton buds - you know - that ear swabs. I clean my ears with it twice a day - before going to work and before sleeping.

2. I don't use shampoo and soap when I bathe during rest days. Unless I'm going out.

3. I own 1 pair of white socks.

4. When I was in grade 3 - me, my cousin and our neighbor won our baranggay dance contest. We danced My Girl. After that contest, everyone started calling me "My Girl."

5. Before "My Girl" - I was known as "Ching." I have no idea where it came from.

6. Days prior to my 7th birthday - my two best buds (Ryan Abella and Allan Picones) and me won 3-on-3 basketball league sponsored by Milo.

7. Joan Romales was my first crush. She used to do ballet.

8. The three of us (Ryan, Allan and me) fought who would marry Joan when we grow up.

9. I was into Chinese Garter during that time.

10. When I was in kinder, my dad would always tuck my shirt in. He would not let me leave the house without styling gel in my hair. I was such a daddy's boy.

11. I had a blind classmate that time. One eye.

12. I shoplifted once in my life - I took a Thesaurus. I was in Grade 4.

13. I used to perform "Like a Virgin" and "Eternal Flame" accompanied by a minus one track. We had this new karaoke and my Tita's thought it was a fun idea for me to mimic Madonna and Bangles.

14. Jaws (the movie) rendered me sleepless for days.

15. Manilyn Reynes was my absolute favorite!

16. I got the lashing of my life when my mom discovered that I was skipping classes to hang-out in the play ground - for two weeks! I influenced my younger brother to come with me and we'll eat chocolates and play - the whole day until it's time to go home.

17. I missed basic Multiplication and Division because of that. I only learned how to multiply and divide after 3 years. I was in grade 3 that time.

18. During college - I almost failed both Math 1 and 2. Pasang - awa parehas!

19. My girl crushes are always over-achievers. My first crush - Joan Romales did ballet. Jolly Martin, my 2nd crush was our elementary salutatorian. My 3rd crush was Catherine Echiverri was also a Salutatorian - and then graduated as Cum Laude with a degree in Computer Science.

20. I gave Jolly a chocolate shaped like a heart during Valentines Day. We were in grade six.

21. I used to spend hours after hours on the phone with Catherine - 1st year high school.

22. 1st year HS - I cried my eyes out when Cathy "got married" during our school fair. She was married to Don De Asis. And they signed a Marriage Certificate! I think that was my first big heartbreak.

23. Winston Manuel Denina was my first guy crush.

24. He went on to be the boyfriend of my ka-barkada May Trinidad.

25. We had a big fight about it. It was totally my fault. I bad-mouthed him! Ahihihi! He was so mad at me he wanted punch me in the face. That was 2 days before our high school graduation.

26. It took us 3 years before we even talked again. Over the phone.

27. I was a member of the school choir, school paper, student council, extended PTA (I was VP for Students), Dance Troupe, Science Club and so many things I cannot even remember.

28. "Ang simbolo ng isang malayang bansa, ay ang pagkakaroon ng sariling wika." This was the winning slogan that I wrote during the "Linggo ng Wika." I got a gold medal.

29. The famous groups during our high school days were COMERS - short for Cathy and Connie, Ofelia, Maritess, Elma, Rizza (RIP) and Rogelyn and Sharonette, there was also "Tropang Ano?" composed of Adrian, Janet, Nilda and others. Then our group, we don't have a name but were generally known as the villains/bad tomatoes; me, Cathy Reyes and Cathy Romorosa, Trixie Rosario, May Trinidad and Lemay Villanueva.

30. If there is one person that I don't want to see from my high scholl days, that's EMILIZA ALARCIO - gawd I despise / abhor her!

30. SIKAP (Sibikong Kabataang Pinoy) was the only NGO that I joined during high school.

31. I went to so many Student Leadership Seminars and Summer Camps that I rarely spend summer at home.

32. I wanted to be the President of the Philippines that time. Until Erap was elected.

33. I was used to write for both our Tagalog (Ang Pintig) and English (The Laurel) school organs when I was in high school.

34. My lola used to own a bakery and I always loved going with the delivery van. We used to delivery bread for Judy Anne Santos. Ulah pa lang sya nun.

35. The biggest regret of my academic life was when I did not enroll in UP Diliman. My UPCAT scores only afforded me to enroll for European Languages when I wanted Political Science.

36. My thought that time was that "Would it do me good if I can argue with my friends in German?"

37. I took CommArts instead - in Recto!

38. I started college when I was 15.

39. My first college crush was Ryan Ang Santos. We used to sleep over in their house at Quiapo.

40. I almost enrolled to Commerce because of him. STUPID.

Baby Steps

2006-12-30T22:36:00.000-08:00
Al is my agent.

We talked for almost two hours yesterday. It was intended to be a 30-minute performance coaching.

I cannot remember how our conversation from his scorecards and quality scores turned into a therapy session. I guess I just needed someone that is pretty much out of my usual circle to make me realize things.

I have been overly indulging with my personal feelings. I have been wallowing in my struggles. I overly celebrate simple victories that's not even worth it, but in contrary, I also soak myself in depression that does not even deserve that attention. I have been over doing things. And because of too much attention and energy I have been putting dealing with my personal life, I have neglected other aspects of it.

My team has been very wary of how I have been acting for the last 3 months. I cannot really pinpoint the exact day or hour that we started falling apart. I used to be a very nice supervisor. I was approachable. There are moments that I am a driver, a bitch, a corporate whore - I am very guilty of that, but I usually spare my people from that kind of attitude. I used to care a lot - sometimes to a fault. I wanted to know them personally, have deep conversations to know what they need, their wants, their aspirations, frustatrions at work, in life. Now, I find myself exhausted dealing with those kinds of things.

I cannot say that all of it was my fault. No. My team in many ways have also disappointed me. That is collectively. I am not pin-pointing at anyone because that's not me.

I have such expectations and aspirations for my team. I used to think that I will mold these people to the best possible agent that they can be, help them move up and develop to be great supervisors. My hope is like a dim light now. I am not saying that we are hopeless, oh no, hopeless is a word that is never in my vocabulary.

One of the best thing about being in my position is I get to see people grow. I've seen that so many times and that is such a sweet feeling. I don't feel that anymore.

Exhaustion is setting in. It's creeping slowly. I'm being jaded. And I don't like it.

And we are just talking about work.

I am currently seeing this guy, Riane. He is very sweet, nice, caring, thoughtful. We're great. Sex is awesome - amazing, I should say. I like him. But that's as far as it goes.

You see, I am fooling myself into believing that I'm ok, that's I'm ready to move, to let go. In reality, I am not. I am trying, really, really hard. I have done this before and it's not easy.

Giving myself fully to the other person means letting go of what I feel for the other one. And I can't do it. I don't wanna do it, I guess.

But as I have said earlier - I have been overly indulgent. There are certain unhealthy feelings that I am keeping inside that I should let go.

2007 would be different. Cliche as it may sound - I will do it. Move on and conquer greate heights. I cannot always wallow in depression. 2007 is year focus on my career. My team - Al and the others. Myself. I can do it.

I used to have his picture in my room. I tore it down the other day. And I'm happy.

This is the view from my headboard. His picture is always the first thing I'll see everytime I wake up. Obssesion ba it? Not really. I'm really just like that. Stalker Extraordinaire.

I know it's hard. And as Mikaila said, letting go is not a one-time thing, the heart does not have an on-and-off switch, letting go is an art, it's not an exact science, it does not have theories - it needs real life experience.

Art of Letting Go
Mikaila

Put away the pictures
Put away the memories
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Chorus

Now here it comes the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning
Learning the art of letting go

Verse II

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Repeat Chorus
Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through the pain of one more day
Without you
Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go....

Happy New Year to all! ---> Whatever it might bring!

Cruise Pics

2006-12-28T18:42:00.000-08:00
This is long overdue pics of my first out-of-country trip. Singapore and Malaysia.

October 21 - 26, 2006

PICTIONARY:

Random Pics 2006

2006-12-28T17:31:00.000-08:00
Since one of my TO-Do's for 2007 is to make this a real blog rather than a dump, I am starting to update my blog with pictures from 2006.

Some of the pics were taken from early 2006. Most of the pictures were taken in the office!

CSAT Olympics

TL Townhall

Bingo Last Year

Haloween - "Grey's Anatomy"

Basketball Championship

Joy's Thanksgiving Party

Cluster GA

I'll post a lot more pictures.

Of Veils and Scabs

2006-12-23T08:39:00.000-08:00
Part 1 - The Office

I'm at work right now. I know that there so many things that I need to finish but I cannot seem to get any steam to start . Everything about my life seems to have a tag that says "Long Overdue." Deadlines, compliance, reports - my life, as I can see, seems to revolve around these words. I know that I am not the only person that feels like this but what I hate about myself is that I have the tendency to ignore things until the last minute. People always has to raise the red-flag to me to get my ass going. I need a jolt. A kick in the head would do. Or god-forbid a CAP!

"You have a new mail." I used to get giddy when this notice appears in my screen. Now, it just brings that dreadful feeling. I have just read 2 e-mails that practically said that I have pending stuff that I need to finish.

I hate it when I fail to update this blog. Only goes to show that I am not managing my time well. Speaking of Time Management, I recently received the results of an assessment of how I was performing as a supervisor in general. Not surprised at all, it turned out that one of my areas for improvement is effectively managing my time. It states that I tend to procrastinate and leave things hanging. To quote " Verbalizes blatant disregard for deadlines" - I find this really weird because I have ignored a lot of deadlines - but I have never verbalized it. I mean, that is something you don't wanna brag to other's right?

Anyway, I'm still here. Christmas would be spent in the office and I cannot do a thing about it. Goodluck!

Part 2 - Yu-Teves Nuptials

Oh yeah, as I have said earlier - everything about my life seems to be "overdue." The wedding that I attended happened two weeks ago and I still haven't posted a thing about it.

Weird. I have a thing about weddings. I recently realized that I am very emotional about it. Issues? I don't know. Paul even said that the reason why I always cry during weddings is because I want to have one as well. I don't about that but I have yet to find my Mr. Right. And besides, Philippines is not ready to recognize same sex marriage and I am not holding out for that.

Going back to the wedding. We had to travel to Cagayan De Oro for it. I was part of the entourage so I had to buy a barong. I bought one from Ayala days before we left for CDO. The trip was insignificant - except that I was bitten by a cockroach in my leg. I hated it because we got the more expensive accomodation in the boat because I wanted to be more comfortable - it turned out that Superferry has roaches and that I was the assigned prey for the day.

I remembered the last time I travelled with Paul, Roshelle and Mika. It was also a wedding - in Dumaguete. It was Chuckie's wedding and I was so thrilled to go. It would be my first time in Dumaguete and I've heard a lot of good things about that city. But this time I was going to Roshelle's wedding....

Who would think that she'll have a boyfriend, be engaged, get married and be sperminated all in one year? Amazing! Looking back, I'm so happy to be part of their whole love affair. I could really say that I had a hand in making that wedding happen. I think I'm the first person to know that they were planning to get hitched. I can remember urging Roshelle to accept Den-den's invitation for a date. She was holding back because of certain differences, like age and priorities. What I remember telling Den-den though is that Roshelle is not in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage anymore. She wants action and she wants it pronto. Ahihi! But, it turned out that a date led to another date, then a proposal, to an agreement, to a "fun" Bantayan vacation - then the wedding.

The wedding itself was very casual. No stiffness. No pretentions of grandiose. It was a family affair I should say. Did I cry? Can't help it. The moment I saw Roshelle in walking down the isle, I lost it. I think I cried the most. I over-cried the parents and relatives on either side.
Drama is my middle name.
Well I guess I was just overwhelmed by the fact that Roshelle is finally getting married. After being jaded and cynic about the whole l.o.v.e thing - there she was all smiles, getting hitched and reciting her "I do's."

During the reception, I had to make a speech or say something about the newlyweds. I didn't know what to say until something occured to me. A few months ago, Den-den was still in the process of winning the bride's heart, he texted something to Roshelle that really struck me. It goes something like this,

"The spirit is never to broken to be healed."

Of course I cried when I read it. I do a lot of crying you know. So, that was the main message of my little speech. Of course, you have to go through the generic "I wish you all the happiness" thing. But yeah, I really hope for them to have all the happiness in the world. I just love them. They are my favorite couple, next to Brangelina.

Part 3 - Chada Cagayan!

Chada is a slang for nice or pretty, I think. And with that, I would not leave Cagayan without exploring it!

So after the wedding reception, we rested for a coouple of hours and then Paul started bugging me to go out. At first I just felt like resting because I was really exhausted. It turned out that it was a good decision that I went out that night!

It turned out to be a great night! Anonimity brings out this wild side in everyone. Since I am not seeing myself back in CDO in the near future, I just dropped almost - take note - almost all inhibitions and hang-ups and just partied. I lost count of the Weng-weng I had that night. We made Paris Hilton proud. We danced like there was no tomorrow. We drank as if Philippines is an oil-producing country. We had fun and went carefree as if we never really care. But I do. It turned out that I still do.

The night closed and morning dawned with me, Mika and Paul trying to get a cab and almost being hit by car. It was fun. What made us decide to leave? Mika. Around 2-ish, he said to me that he was drunk - I replied by ordering more drinks. By 3am - he pulled me close and whispered something like "I can't think anymore." I wonder what that meant? Huhum.... I wanted to take advantage of him, but I did not. Ahahaha! I'm still a good boy after all.

I practically had to man-handle both Mika and Paul since they were just too drank to walk. Hailed a cab, got in - escorted Paul to our room, woke up OM Ande and dragged Mika to his room.
And oh, oh, this is where the good part comes-in. Mika cannot remember how he got in and slept in the CR. OM Ande cannot remember either. No one can. Secrets safe. My lips are sealed. Ahihihi! (Bakit may ganun?)

Part 4 - It's huge! Davao that is.

My initial disappointment with Davao was redeemed because of five things:

1. A VIP entrance at Pop's
2. Touching a live reptile - a croc.
3. The roasted squash soup from Eden Nature Park
4. Their airport
5. Taking this picture:

May I explain why before everyone reacts? The reason why I particularly liked this picture is because I liked how I took it. The angle, the movement of the swing and the motion. It really captured the "swinging" movement of that Inidiana Jones ride. I think I'll pursue photography as a past time. I need to buy a camera first though.

We agreed that the call time was 5:00 am. I woke up 5:30 am. Two realities hit me after waking up. First - it's always bad to drink too much Weng-weng - traydor sya! My head was ready to explode - or split into two. But I'd rather have either just to remove me from that state of agony which was hangover. Second - Take Mika's advise - Chaser before drinking.

Apparently, Heaven and Marj was already awake and prepped for the trip to Davao. So I dragged myself out of the bed, hit the showers and be startled by Paul. Hoooyyy!!

7:00 am - The van left for Davao. We had some diversions along the way. Like, grabbing breakfast in a Star Mart - then having to stay longer because Mika was still puking his guts out from the last night's debauchery. We lost sight of him and I thought he slept in the CR again, but it turned out that he was alternately sleeping and puking in the benches.

The drive was uneventful except for some stop-overs to take pictures. We passed by Camp Phillips in Bukidnon. Snapped some pics of the pineapple plantation. Stopped by that over-looking spot, took pictures again. We took so many pictures we zapped the battery off Heaven's camera. Finally, Mika's in the pics.

Around 2:00 PM - We arrived in Davao! I was so thankful that nothing happened to us because apparently, Mr. Driver was intermittently falling asleep behind the wheels! And to think that we were driving in a mountainous-curvy- steep -accident-prone area! My goodness. Good thing that Paul took notice and told me - I had to keep Manong Driver alert!

Anyway, my head was still heavy and I'm exhausted so after checking in to Royal Mandaya, I wanted to hit the sheets. But I was also starving so we grabbed something to eat first at Basty's Brews in Victoria Mall.

We went out that night again. Mika, Paula and yours truly headed to Jack's Ridge for a very late dinner. After that we went to Pop's - as per Mike's description, this should be where the Davao's who's who hangs-out. Since we're not from Davao, we cannot get into their Main Room. So, Paul and I decided to use the peso power to get VIP access. We ordered cocktails since everyone was swinging beer bottles. That did not work. So, we ordered a bottle of Tequila. We tried to make a scene so that the manager can take note of us. Well, it worked! The manager asked us to go up in the VIP area. And then the party started!!!!

It was all good until a guy spolied my evening. Actually, he's a friend of Paul's Davao guy, Ian. I cannot remember his name, but I remembered what happened. I had a feeling that he had his eyes set on Mika that night. So, I was dancing carefree when I kinda, slghtly bumped him. He retorted by saying "Would you stop crowding me." I was like, "Ok, sorry." I foresaw a cat fight brewing. Bitch fight!!! Ahahaha!
This could have been the picture:

But bar fights are too tacky for me so I backed down. Having a bottle of cheap beer smashed in my head is not my type of thing. And besides, I'm the tourist, so I cannot risk having enemies there.

After that scene, Paul and Ian - with his friend went to Rizal Avenue - apprently the Malate of Davao. We didn't go, as per Paul's advise. So Mika and I was left at Pop's. Stayed there for a couple more minutes. Mika was trying to "appraise" his market value so I let him dance alone in the middle of the floor. He only lasted a couple mintutes and had to return to the nook I was in, I don't know why. And then we went back to the hotel. Sent him to his room. End of the night.

Davao Day 2
I practically slept the whole day. Paul spent it with his current beau, Ian. Mika, Heaven and Marj explored the metropolis and flocked to the modern watering hole - the mall.
4:00 pm - Woke up and watched some TV. Very interesting, something about pursuing happiness. Very educational.
Mika wanted to see this Canadian-made movie about Filipino beliefs. "Ang Pamana - The Inheritance" was still showing in SM Davao that time - I wanted to see "Happy Feet" but Milka saw it already. Harumph! So 'Ang Pamana - The Inheritance" it is then. I'll find time to write a review of the movie. It's very interesting - a must see. But will not elaborate on that in this post.
After the movie, we were starving so Ian brought us to this dimsum place. We spent some time there knowing Ian. He's very interesting. He owns a Pilates studio - unique. He is very well-read and intelligent. I liked him. He promised that if he sets-up shop in Cebu, I'll be his first client.
We went to Rizal Avenue after the dinner. There was not much people hanging around given that it's a Sunday. So we spent the night in this small bar that Ian frequents. Had some beer, a lot of reminiscing and priceless embarassing moments courtesy of Paul. Proximity issues. Harumph!
Davao Day 3
Woke up early that day because we'll have the day tour. We rented a van to tour us around the city.
First Stop:
Eden Nature Park - nice place. Very cold and quiet. They went horse backriding. I looked for a comfort room. My stomach was acting up. Pictionary:

Next stop:
Japanese Tunnel - so not worth the sidetrip, really. More pictures:

Last Stop:
Crocodile Farm -
I loved it there. I got to touch a crocodile! While looking at all those crocs, there's just one thought that was in my mind - how many shoes, bags and wallets would those skin produce?

Aside from the crocs, there's also other animals there. This is my favorite monkey. Reminds me of Sheryl. Meet Claudia. She ashamed because her parents are monkeys!

Last stop:
Davao International Airport - Mika, Heaven, Emily and Marj went ahead. Sad. It's just me and Paul. Oh yeah, Ian dropped by the hotel and they just can't resist doing it even when I was just in the next bed sleeping, right Paul?
After dropping the rest to the airport, Paul and moi headed to the hotel to finally rest. It was a well-deserved rest after a week-end of night-out. I was in the bath for 3 hours taking to friends over the phone. Issues - if you know what I mean.
This is the nest way to describe what I was feeling that day.
Like a scab that would have healed if only you can stop running your fingers over it.
That's about all I'll say regarding THAT matter. Paul and Sheryl is probably tired of hearing the same things from me. In fact, Sheryl commented that I'm weird when I'm in this state of mind.
I'm running on fast-forward here - I'm CLICKING (If you've seen the movie, you'll get what I'm saying) my way outta that state of mind. I don't wanna go through the motions again. That is also the reason why I'm just writing this blog now, I don't wanna write about stuff like when I'm, let's just say, emotional. Weddings - Dumaguete - Davao - Vicious cycle. Kill me!
Harrumph!

The Blog-blag-blag

2006-11-11T23:22:00.000-08:00
Blogs are hot these days. And I mean hot.

So I decided to join the bandwagon and update mine. You'll never know when your blog would be put into the the spotlight so might as well make it worth everybody's while.

Anyway, this pathetic excuse for a blog has not been updated for the longest time, like 3 months. I dunno, probably, my current work has zapped me off of my creative juices. Or, just like I always do, I use my work as an excuse not to do anything else. Example:

1. Going to the gym - I have recently signed up to our neighbourhood gym for the nth time this year. Being the sloth me, I have always used work as an excuse to go to the gym. Reasoning that I am tired, and that I still have work at night - and all other crapola that I can use just to excuse myself for a day in the gym.

2. My social life - well yeah, I do have some, but mostly revolving around people from work. Going would mean hanging around with officemates / friends and grab breakfast / lunch / dinner / coffee before or after work. Since I am not really from here, I made my work my lame excuse not meet people out of the office circle.

3. Flying home to Manila - I am such a liar. I would always tell my mom that my Vacation Leave was not approved when she would ask me to visit them. She probably thinks that the company I am working with is a big-heartless corporate monster that doesn't allow people to have quality time with their families.

4. My faith - I wouldn't wanna say that I lost my faith / religion because I worked with this company because even before that, I have had a love-hate relationship with the Gods. But, since most of my time is spent in the office, I don't have time to enrich my so-called spiritual being. Lame.

5. My often unreasonble expenses - I am a firm believer of this time-tested adage, "Work hard and play harder," or something to that effect. Believing that I deserve to spend and pamper myself with just about anything that I can afford, my monthly expenses would always over-shoot my calculations. I have never been good in Math eversince, in fact I deferred my Accounting class on it's 2nd week, so I am not totally surprise that I always end up filling for bankruptcy (?) days before the pay day.

6. Smoking - When I was still a girlette, I told my dad that I would never in my life, smoke. Ha! What a joke. I started smoking when I was in college and I am slowly killing myself up to this day. It felt so cool to smoke during my college days because it was banned from the campus, so we had to hide at the back of the MassComm cafeteria when we wanted to smoke. We were like the "in" crowd because we get to hang-out with the professors and the deans of our university. But I quit after some time. I picked the habit again when I started working because I felt that smoking keeps me awake and alert (crap!) and that it's a way to de-stress (bull!).

7. Dieting - There was only one time in my life that a diet worked for me. I was still in college during that time when I started with the "1 cup of rice a day" diet. I lost so much weight that my mom, with her infinite wisdom wanted me to take a drug test. I stopped dieting after that. So when people tell me that I am gaining more weight (I hope they die!), I would always say these crapolas:

a. "It's because of the night shift."
b. "I am always stressed at work so I tend to eat more."
c. "There's no healthy option in our pantry."

8. Not returning people's text messages - I got an irked message from one of my friends in Manila about how I always fail to reply to their text messages. I actually have reasons for this, one lame and one valid reason. The valid reason is that, I don't like replying to text messages. It's ok when it's just going to be short conversation (hence the name Short Message Sending or something like that), but I cannot have a full blown chit-chat using text. I am either too lazy to do it or my thumbs are so big they don't fit the teeny-weeny keyboards of my cellfone. My seconds reason for not answering their text is that I'm at work last night. Yeah, I would read the messages before hitting the sheets but that's it. I think phones are made to call, not read. So if you have important messages for me, CALL.

Actually, there are still a lot of things that I use work as an excuse like my weird eating and sleeping habits, but I really don't have time to expound because I need to work.

Superstah!

2006-09-21T21:33:00.000-07:00
It's hard being famous.

I was having dinner last night with a couple of friends in Nobu, one of our usual haunts when we're in NYC. The wait list could be so loooonng, but since I was with superstars that night, I easily slipped into the velvet rope. That dinner was also a business meeting since both Katie Couric and Oprah Winfrey (which are two of my closest friends) wanted to score an exclusive about me. I was torn between the two of them.

We were starting to discuss the idea of just making a special about me where the two would just interview me together a'la The View when Mama Madonna stepped into the restaurant. She was so divine and fabulous as always. She dropped by our table to say hi and confirmed a schedule with Oprah then proceeded to one of the exclusive rooms reserved for her and yummy hubby, Guy.

The Japanese - Zen atmosphere of the restaurant was about to return to normal when we heard shouting and screaming from the front door. Apparently, celebrity couples Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes also booked a night at Nobu. The razzi's were all over them hoping to get a glimpse of their alien-baby Suri (or is it Suree?). Oprah has probably not recovered from what Tom did in her show last year (you know, the jumping in the couch scene) so we decided not to pay attention to them. Katie was also not so thrilled with meeting the soon-to-be B-List couple.

Anyway, we returned to our usual discussion about saving lives in Africa, our charity work for Katrina victims as well as our Gay advocacy programs when UN General Secretary Kofi Annan called Oprah and invited her over coffee at his upstate New York apartment to hear her opinion on matters of global proportion. Knowing her, she would not resist an opportunity like that, so we decided to cut our dinner short and meet Kofi. Little did we know that Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart was also there. Actually, it was like the Oscar's that night - just over coffee. Leo Di Caprio was there, so as best buds Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Barbara Walters said hi to us before leaving. Rosie O'Donnell was her usual lezzie self while ex-President Clinton and soon-to-be President Hillary Clinton got cozy with P. Diddy and Kanye West. It was so boring I decided to grab my specially-imported from Kenya's forest coffee outside for a few drags. In the terrace was George Clooney smoking with Julia Roberts (what's with her "The Crow" look recently?). Maya Angelou was deep in philosophical conversation with the wonderful Mr. Phillip Seymour-Hoffman. Merryll Streep was not the devil that night but a very delightful woman sharing stories with Susan Sarandon and Sean Penn.

It was about 1am when Katie came out loooking for me. She wanted to go home already.

I went from the party straight to work. I still had a shift that day.

The guards told me that I have a mail from one of my just-recently-ex-agent. I read the mail and was surprised to realize that I have just received my first hate-mail.

If hate-mails and threats to sue you are signs that you have arrived, baby, I AM HERE!

Lemme give you background of what I do. Since the informaton I am sharing is very confidential, I won't give you the specifics but just vague description.

Basically, I lead a team or highly trained Deep Penetration Agents that handles sensitive and difficult operations. My team performs clandestine termination (assasinations) of dangerous personalities that threatens to end the world as we know it. We operate under high secrecy and top secret mission. We report to a personality that only me can interact. We simply call her "O". Simply put, we are almost non-existent unless events that can lead to a global-scale catasprophe is going to happen. My team is called Extermination Specials Council or ESC. My team works under the disguise of a non-assuming customer service operations, under a fake company named Convergence, located near the mountain ranges of a little known island, south of the Philippines.

Anyway, going back to the hate mail. One of the few mediocre agents that I have decided that she is not happy with what she's doing. Let's call her by the codename: Efoelc. She claimed that she wants to lead a normal life and be a mother to her children. Of course, I did not believe a single word that bitch said. Being the head of a secret information agency, I commisioned one of my top agents to do a background check and surveilance. It turned out that Efoelc applied as an apprentice agent to a Russian-funded special operatives team called Parallel Somnambulism. "O" did not approve her immediate departure from the team and wanted her to serve at least 15 days to train an apprentice agent. Apparently, she has signed a deal with PS already and cannot afford to withdraw since her family would be in grave danger. When I confronted her woth the classified information that I gathered, Efoelc became defensive.

She started claiming that other operatives can leave the company immediately without the 15-day notice. I explained to her that since she in in ESC, she just cannot leave the team. I also said that it the 15-day notice is part of her contractual obligation. Then she bacame hostile with me. She pointed out that I was lying and playing innocent on why the agents are leaving the company and that the management is making a puppet out of me. I was the epitomy of calmness and professionalism during that time. I wanted to tell her "You UNGRATEFUL BITCH! but of course, being the classy supervisor that I am. I did not do it.

Instead, I said that she being offensive and that I do not appreciate what she said. I slept fitfully that night.

Then came the letter addressed to the Special Director, Susanna Sommers. In the said letter which was made to self-destruct in 1 minute, agent Efoelc stated that she would not let the company make a sample out of her and that I am pushing her around. She also sighted some laws from the constituion that particaly means nothing to me for the fact that she signed a contract with PS while still connected with Convergence, so that constitutes breach of contract on her end. She threatened to sue the company.

Let me read to you excerpts of her letter:

"This is to request for resolution from your level and to seek which action would you prefer."

then she said:

"The option that was given to me was termination which made me seek legal advice. I have talked to DOLE about this situation."

"Should you terminate me, I would be forced to file a case, as per advice of DOLE."

Can you imagine that? Really. SERIOUSLY???? She thinks she stands a chance in court? Come on. This is BLACKMAIL. YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!!!! - and you can qoute me on that!

Fortunately for her, SD Susanna Sommers does not want to deal with lawsuits and blow up our cover. She was dismmissed as if she was useless. Well, she was. She was never a good agent. In fact, a lot people were surprised when she was chosen for the position. Her performance has always been mediocre and that she would always mess our clandestine operations. She was never meant to be in my team. In fact, her resolution to tangled situations are always questionable. I gave her a Conclusive Access Platform becuse she has made a whole lot of Invalid Communicative interaction with other special operatives team. I should have ex-terminated her when I had the chance.

Anyway, as I have mentioned earlier, I never thought that having this job would make me famous. I have lived in the shadows and is not used to be in the spotlight. Well this hate mail only goes to show that I made it and yes, I have arrived.

No matter how much she hates me, she still wants to be me someday. Quting Miranda Priestly, "Everyone wants to be us."

So, when I told my uber-rich and sosyal friends about this, they suggested I write something about it. Anna Wintour offered a Vogue exclusive, Oprah wanted to do a show about it. Katie Couric sent me flowers. Kofi Annan said that I deserve a round-trip ticket to Kenya's wildlife reserve. Rudolph Guillani sent me his book. Condoleeza Rice would be visiting me next week.
Camilla Praker Bowles invited me for an afternnon tea - I replied that I would only agree if Prince Willam is there. The hell with Queen Elizabeth.

Anyway, the saying is true...

It's windy at the top.

Dissecting a Crisis with a 6-pack

2006-09-10T01:46:00.000-07:00
(Damn! I have not posted anything in this blog for the looooongest time!!!!)

I have read somewhere that the peak of our lucidity happens between the last seconds of sobriety before succumbing to drunkeness. This short amount of time is when our thoughts are the clearest. I think I had that experience during my last rest day.

Work pratically eats up three-quarters of my life, so during rest days, I try to get as much "me" time as possible. Last Monday night, I decided that my "me" time would mean watching DVD marathon of Grey's Anatomy (my new obsession, by the way!) and gulping a 6-pack of SMB Light while muching on Cheetos as my pulutan. I thought it was perfect night.

My fourth bottle - I was a bit tipsy. Fifth - I was TIPSY.

By the 6th bottle, I started getting philosophical. I think this is when I had that "lucid" and "clear thoughts." I asked myslef questions, questions like, "Uhm, why am I here? What's my purpose in life?"

I'm 24, this could not be mid-life crisis. I might be having my "Quarter-Life Crisis." This is a stage in life wherein people of my age (say, between 24 - 30) start digging into their deeper purpose. This is stage of our lives when we look back to the decisions that we made and look forward into the life that could be ahead of us.

"Grey's Anantomy" is series about 5 aspiring doctors trying to survive their internship. Watching them perform complicated medical stuff and save lives made me green with envy. I mean, they say fancy things like

"We have to operate on his brains to prevent the rapid spread of the paralysis, but there is a risk of the patient losing his memory since we are gonna touch his cerebral whatchamacallit and render permanent damage..."

or

"Nurse, is this the result of the High-Level MRI? Hmmm... Dr. Burke, we might need an open-heart surgery to remove the clot that's blocking the aorta, and then we would replace his valve through a complicated procedure known as the porcine method that only I can do. Do you concur?"

I mean, wouldn't it be cool to say that??? Compare that to what I usually say on a daily basis:

"Guys, handle your calls efficiently, we need to lower down our AHT!"

Oh, oh, one more:

"Guys, CSAT, remember to smile when talikng with the customer. Hey, you there, I don't like your tone, be friendly, ok?

And hear on a daily basis:

TL can you fix my TKS error? Is it okay?

DO I HAVE A CHOICE?????

BLEAK!!! AS IN MAJOR BLEAK!

I got into comparing being a surgeon and what I currently do. First of all, they get to have so much fun at work. I mean, nothing is routinary. Everyday there is something new, something weird, something exciting. The only excitement that I get from this job is when it's the 15th and the 30th.

What would you prefer, scrubbing DS or opening a skull and literally pick on a persons brain?

Second, they can make mistakes and kill someone, but they can always declare it as "natural death." Here, mistakes are counted by the instance, each mis-step means either a lashing from your boss or the most dreaded CAP. The ppside though is no one would die if we commit mistakes, the worst that can happen as a result of your mistake is a very low CSAT.

And third: They get to have sex in the workplace! I mean, they do it everywhere, in the OR, sleeping quarters, labs, just about anywhere when you can cram a person an a half! Try doing that here and you'll probably be the talk of the town to the nth level that would take a scandal like the "Take it! Take it!" for it to be forgotten.

Seriously, this got me into thinking of the decisions I made in the past. Where would I be if I have taken, let's say Medicine instead of MassComm? I would probably still in school today, but the difference is, I know my purpose.

What am I doing here? I think that's what I am trying to ask right now. I am not saying that I am not happy with my current job, but is there joy in what I do? Why can't I celebrate the fact that I have a stable job that provides for me? Am I in my right place under the sun? Why do I feel like this when tons of people would kill over the opportunities that I am getting? Why, oh, why?

While trying to get the answers for these questions, I think I'd like to grab another 6-pack and maybe we can talk it over. Whatcha think?

The Greatest Team Building I Ever Had!

2006-07-08T00:03:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that we tend to take for granted when life get's too busy. Sometimes, these small things are really the stuff that gets you through the day. In my case, writing. I have neglected so many things lately because I have been really busy at work recently.

Speaking of work, I and my team went out for a long overdue team outing / building / getting to know each other. We have been planning this for the longest time and they have been bugging me endless for it.

JUNE 16

Last month, my steallar Escalations Team went on a team outing and an adventure of a lifetime for some. Wherelse would we have it but in Dumaguete. You know how much I love that quaint city. There was not really much to tell but the fact that I almost died of drowning. Well, not just me though, my agent Paula, she actually cried and her whole life flashed before her eyes. That was weird.

What happened was that we went snorkeling to this marine sanctuary in Apo Island. It was the best underwater activity I have done in my while life. We were so engrossed with the explosion of colors that we never felt that the tides were rising and that the waves are getting bigger. Until finally, the curretn was so strong that we cannot swim back to the shore.

We actually were rescued by my agents that can swim. I was escorted by 3 people and they helped me swim back to the shore. It was a long, scary yet funny story. In the hindsight, it was just not a team outing, but I saw the character of the people that I am handling. I don't wanna be mushy and all emotional about it but I know for a fact that I am thankful for my agents because I do not know how I would explain if someone would die under my supervision. Ha!

Junkie

2006-06-12T06:43:00.000-07:00
Hi! I am Lexie and I am a junkie.

A love junkie that is. That wedding I attended in Dumaguete awakened me in more ways than I have yet realized. I am a self-confessed Drama Queen but this is too much! I am even starting to annoy myself. My conversation and thought process for this week is like this: 60% - I talk about love and my so-called struggle to decipher a deeper meaning, while the remaining 40%, I am hoping that somebody will bring the topic up so I can talk about it more. Actually, it more like obsessing rather than just talking about it.

And if you are thinking that I am about to get a hold of myself and stop talking about love, you're dead wrong! Here's more obsessing:

First:

That wedding debunked me of my previous notion about love. I used to believe that love should filled with burning desire and insaitable need to be with each other. Love should be "You're the air that I breathe," or "I'm gonna die if you leave me today" type of thing.

But no. The love that they shared is not like that. It is not all-consuming. It is a love on a greater plane.

One word that describes my idea of love - POP. I am a child of incessant barrage of information from TV, radio, books, magazine and lately, internet. Mine is an idea of longing and coveting. Love should be riveting and all-encompassing. It is Sharon Cuneta and Richard Gomez. Yuck!

Second:

Going back to the wedding.

It is very evident on how they presented their vows. There are no reference of being head-over-heels in love with each other. Theirs is a love of greater cause.

I now understand Chuckie when he said that some things would fade and cease to exist. And by the time that would happen, it should be a love of a different kind. In this case, they share a love for their god and their church. They have the same beliefs and share the same objective. Their personal vision are alligned with each other. Fifty years from now, they are probably still together.

It is very arrogant to say though that love other than that kind is shallow. But I feel that way. So thinking about it, whatever I felt towards anyone that I claimed I loved have to be superficial. Nullified. I mean, I myself can never look at love the same way again.

This is the phase that I am in right now. Emotional roller-coaster. I am obsessed with the idea of love. Love is my drugs. Although I have no one in particular right now, just the thought of me being in love is making nauseous.

Third:

No, I am not converting as many of my friends thought. I have my own beliefs and I am happy with my current spiritual state, thank you very much.

Perfect Setting + Perfect Wedding = Messed Up Me!

2006-06-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

Dumaguete!!!

This was the vacation that almost never was. Before I can make the trip, I had to make certain sacrifices, like for one, my mom needed money. It was the start of another tedious school year and my mom asked me for financial churva. Since it was her birthday and we have just recently made-up (we had a long cold-war!), I cannot say no! First obstacle!

Seconds, my manager denied my two-day leave. Instead, she gave me a 1-day leave. Good think that Jappy was there to save the day for me. She covered for me during my absence! Yey!

Off we go to Dumaguete! The gang, composed of Paul, Roshelle, Mika and moi started out early that day!

June 1 -

We travelled to the southern-most tip of the island of Cebu. After the 2-hour bus ride, we arrived in Santander port where we have to take a fast-craft that would cross the channel from Cebu to Sibulan. After that uneventful water trip, we docked in the island of Negros!

Finally! I have been looking forward for another island adventure. This time, it's Dumaguete! I have heard so much about this small university town. It's probably time constraint and the lack of reason why I cannot seem to materilaize that plan. It has to be a wedding that made me cross the sea and finally experience Dumaguete!

And I was not disappointed! I LOVE DUMAGUETE! To show the townsfolk how much I love them, I waved to everyone and asked them on how they were doing.

Me: Kamusta naman po ang pagbababantay natin dya? (to the security guard!)

It's idyllic and laid-back. It was a perfect setting for just strolling in their famous boulevard or just sip a cup of hot coffee while watching cute college boys pass by. This is life!

That same day, Paul and I ventured to the boulevard to get a cup of coffee at Cafe Memento. The view was breath-taking and the breeze was relaxing. Fortunately for Paul, he bumped into one of his numerous ex'es. This particular ex would be Paul's gateway to an activity that involves the number three. As for me, my tummy was grumbling and a mutiny was about to start. So I had to bid adieu and return to our pension house/room.

Mika was watching TV and Roshelle is resting because she is being her bluebaby, party-pooper self again! Since I was also tired, I just decided to rest and reserve my energy for our planned night out!

Our first night in Dumaguete was a blast! We went into this Mexican resto-bar where the waitresses wears Latina-inspired garbs and serves tasty pizzas. We had so much fun starting with the maitre'd that doubles as their mediocre lounge singer. Paul and started making-up names for the waitresses that served us. Since the resto was Mexican-inspired, we gave them names such as "Fedra," "Marimar," and the likes! That resto-bar closes early at 12 midnight so we had to move to a different place. Here comes El Camino. This is the the first time and probably the last time that I went to to party using TRICYCLE as the mode of transport. You see, Dumaguete does not have taxi's yet. This fact adds to the charm of the city though. Going back to the story, we drunk our guts out until 2am (at least Paul and me!). I can distinctly remember some snatches of the drunk conversation that we had. Something like, "Who would you date from the guys in the office?" and stuff like that that is probably best to keep to those who are present that night. The best part though (Mika and Roshelle can attest to this!) was when we were walking home. The scene went like this:

Paul: How much is that doggie in the window?
Me: Arf! Arf! Arf!

CRAZY!

Day 2 -

We toured Dumaguete City that day. Siliman University makes approximately 60% of the town. It reminded me so much of UP Diliman. Back in Manila, I loved going to Diliman just to hang-out with friends at the infamous "Sunken Garden." I can imagine myself going to school here. It was a very conducive place to learn.

It was also the wedding day.

The Union of Charles and Lucille

The beautiful bride donning an immaculate white gown
walked slowly as she approached the simple altar. The church was
accentuated by traditional capiz hanging lamps that produced a dream-like state of gold and sepia. Trails of white laces acted like foliage of
white clouds making it heavenly. Grain lights was sprinkled in the
ceiling making it look like a starry night. It was a match made in heaven.
The handsome groom was crying, the bride was crying too.
It was a moment I would never forget. Just a like a picture that was captured, framed and then saved to last forever.
And then the song commenced:
Ikaw ang bigay ng Maykapal, Tugon sa aking dasal. Upang sa lahat ng panahon,sa bawat pagkakataon, ang iibigin ko ay IKAW.

The song was most apt.
I started to cry..... my heart never stopped bleeding.
Call me mushy or a drama-queen, I don't care. I felt it. It was a moment that I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life. I cannot point a finger on what really caused this strange feeling inside me. Was it because I knew the groom? The setting perhaps? The fresh breeze and the idyllic scenes of Dumaguete? Or was it something else?
Marriage is a topic that I would not even want to dwell into, but here I am. I am not saying that I'm against but I am positive that it is something that I would not be participating in the not-so-near future. Not only because gay marriage has not been legally recognized in the Philippines, but the thought itself is very far-fetched if not absurd for me. You might say that I am jaded and cynic, I am not, on the contrary, I love melo-drama. I love seeing LOVE happen before my very eyes.
Maybe that's it! This feeling that has been making me very emotional for the last week was caused by the fact that I witnessed love before my eyes. The church was just full of positive energy that is both infectious and dramatic. I cried so much during the wedding ceremony that I have lost count of it. Who's wedding was it, you might ask. It was the Union of Charles and Lucille. Charles is both an officemate and a dear friend. The moment he announced that he was going to get married, I immediately asked myself why? And that thought never just stayed there. I was one of the loudest opponent of him getting married. I questioned his reasons, his plans, his real feelings. I made him feel that this is a decision that needs to be thought about not twice but ten thousand times. Several times I have tried to talk him out of it. Walk away from it. I have always thought that before getting married, there should be this feeeling, this zsa-zsa-zsu inside. Fireworks galore. There should be scorching passion that burns the skin, tinges the senses, makes you go wild and crazy! But no! The day they said their vows, they proved me wrong.
Love will fade indeed. Passion will cease. The scorching heat would die down. When that happens, what is then left?
Each other. And that is what Chuckie and Lucille are. Each other.

And though I know that I might not be able to feel this way with another person, or another person to me, and that love is something that I cannot experience without the greatest doubts and fears, of misery and mystery, that exact moment, in that short span of time, I believed.

Thus, this is me now.

In an emotional hell-hole. Remember the time that I felt that I was in a roller coaster. I am back and there again. Was it the proximity? The wedding? The trip?

I know FOR A FACT that this was just a phase. That night, I was in my most vulnerable state. I was emotionally raw. I saw everything as if looking through a pink glass.

I could have gotten married that night myself. Had I hooked-up with some-one that night, I would be head-over-heels in love with him. But I tried to fight it. I know this is just like the passing of a foggy night, everything clears up in the morning. I cannot wait to go back to Cebu that time where I can be snapped back into reality.

Today -

Back in the office. Writing this blog. Back to the reality. The feelings? It's hidden, deep in my heart, hoping that someday, someone or something would awaken it again, just like what the whole Dumaguete trip did to me.

Take a Peek into my "window"

2006-05-29T18:22:00.000-07:00
No, it's not what your thinking! Pervert!

What I am actually referring to is this personality test whathaveyou called Johari's window. I think I remember taking bac in high school for our career day. What I cannot remember though was how I fared during that time. So, thanks to Mika (he asked me to answer his), I would want everyone that is close enough to me to answer this little quiz/survey. I think I need other people's opinion about me because most of time, I tend to see things with sexual conotation. So bitches, I need your answers here!

Click this link! I will update this as soon as I have considerable sample. Thanks!

The Landlady Woes and other stories

2006-05-20T20:51:00.000-07:00
So, I have been wanting to update my blog for the longest time this week, but as always, I cannot seem to find the time. Today however is different. I am so bored in the office right now that I am willing to do everything to make sure that I still have 9 hours work time. UPDATES:

First: THE LANDLADY

Yes, the power-that-be that single-handedly decides my (domestic) future (as well as my housemates, Paul and Erwin) has finally spoken! She said that she is so NOT willing to renew our contract and we better start packing by the end of the month. Actually, we had the same squabble a couple of months ago. That time, she was saying that she wanted to "renovate" the house and that we need to move our asses out. It turned out, and I precisely predicted this, that the reason why she is not renewing us was because she wanted to raise the rent for the apartment. Since we are rich bitches and money was never really a problem (yeah right!), we agreed on it. Settled.

This time however, the LANDLADY (in CAPS) is singing a different tune. She still wants us out of the house but this time, it's not about the money, it's about, uh, something else. Actually, I have been irked by the fact that she really never told us of her plans and that we just shocked to hear it from the carpenters that we only have like two months to stay. So, I talked to her the other day. I had the opportunity to use my cunning and charming personality. I need to make sure that this is going to be a done deal by the end of the day. And it was! Apparently, the ONLY reason why she is adamant in renewing us is our MAID. You see, our LANDLADY and our MAID, let's just say, they don't really get along. To make the long story short, she agreed that she "might" wanna renew us again in ONE condition, we should terminate the MAID. I was afraid that the reason why we were being booted out was our little "naughty" escapades at the house. Good thing!

Second: THE MAID

Okay, this is actually the first time that I am sharing details about my domestic life. You know us, celebrities, we rarely spend time at home - we usually use the house for sleeping and sometimes as sex dens, char! Anway, Michelle - our MAID, has been with us for almost a year now if I'm not mistaken. It's would be an understatement to say that she has an "attitude." No, she has an "attitude" with a capital "A". From what I've gathered, she was an ex-druggie. But she's reformed now, so no worries. The real reason why she became our MAID was apparently, she is not in good terms with her mother-in-law. I think she was thrown out of the house and the lame-o she has for a husband cannot stand for her. Enter us! She badly needed shelter, work and security so she became our MAID. Don't get me wrong, I am very nice with househelps. I mean, I grew up with them around me so much so I always treat them as part of the family. But of course, and you guessed it correctly, Michelle was an exception. She is the MAID that never rans our of reasonssssss.... as in! She would always have reasons for doing or not doing something that I have asked her to do. She never rans out of answers as well. And that face, she would usually make this face if she is not in the mood. That's what I hate the most! I am not particularly proud of some of the things I have said to her, but I have never laid hands on her, no sir! I am not a Bella Flores neither, sometimes, I just can be bitchy and bratty specially when I'm tired. And her kids! Oh, don't get me started! I am not a KID person. In fact I hate KIDS!
So, I have arrived to the decision that since shelter is more important than our MAID, and that our LANDLADY says so, we have so say thank you and goodbye to.... Michelle! Thank god! At least I won't feel guilty because we have a "valid" reason! *wink*

Third: THE MOVIES

Yes, I have not seen a movie in two weeks! I missed MI3 and Poseidon. It's been running for almost a week and I haven't seen the 'The Da Vinci Code" or 'Over the Hedge." Hates it. I don't know why but maybe because I have been too busy at work? Or maybe, I am trying not to spend to much this month? Or maybe, I'm tired of watching movies na, I mean, I'd rather wait 'til Erwin buys a pirated DVD and watch it at the comfort of my won room. I dunno. I'll try to catch "Da Vinci..." though this week, promise!

Fourth: Bills, bills, bills....

I am officially part of the whole economic churn. I have officially received my first bill. It's my first Globe bill, under my name! Imagine that! And yes, it's way over what I have projected it! Haha! I am so living beyond my means! I am a certified Gay Yuppie!

Fifth: Headache

Headache.... too much PC.... need sleep! Ugh!

Losing It

2006-05-14T06:22:00.000-07:00
Am I losing it? When we lose something, like for example a cellphone, do we just lose the phone? What else do we lose forever when that happens? Or your wallet. What does losing your wallet actually entails. Or feelings? How long does it take to lose a feeling? What is next after that feeling is gone?

These are questions that I have been asking myself for the past weeks. This week is particularly peculiar. I have lost three things in my life in one week. I have lost my beloved cellfone, my wallet and a loved one. I dunno if fate played a game on me or what, but the recent events have made me realized so many thing about my life right now.

My friend Adrian, paid me a visit last week. We haven't seen each other for months and it was nice to have someone visit me from Manila. It was a week full of "fun" activities. Unfortunately, while having one of these "fun" activities, I lost my cellfone, or more appropriately, he lost my cellfone. I was panicked at the first knowledge of what happened. I lost my cellfone. That phone was one of the first things that I have bought for myself, by own money.

Good thing that we have been friends for more than a decade now. I am not a person to blame somebody for something that is purely accidental.

But then I realized the gravity of what happened that night. I have lost my cellphone. I have been so attached with that thing for so many reasons. Not only because I use it as a tool to communicate with people but because it carries nostalagia. Memories that are stored in the device can never be retrived. That phone and me has been through a lot. I have cried with it, taken unforgettable pictures, sent and received calls from my loved ones. That phone has been a deaf witness to some of my more stupid moments, e.g. sending text messages while totally wrecked and drunk! I lost my phone! Based on what's written here, you might perceive that I'm organically attached to my phone, not. It's just now, I realized the important role that my phone played in my life. That is basically my bridge of communication. I have there the contact information of my friends from virtually every stage of my life. And with that, I am begging my friends who actually reads this blog to send me their contact information. I have the same number.

A couple of days after losing my phone, it's my wallet's turn to go MIA. Yeah, tough luck right? How could this be happening to me? I cannot even remember how I lost it. I surmised that I have left it in the cab since I cannot seem to find it in my room.

This is not the first time that I have actually lost a wallet. But what I really hate the most about it is that losing the things that are in the wallet. For example, my SSS ID is there. Do you know how long it takes to re-apply for a new one? Hates it!

Oh, oh. Not just that. I also lost the last copies on my graduation picture! Plus, the numerous pictures of my friends from high school, college and my most original barkada. Killer right? I just hate to think even for a minute that total stranger is actually raking through my most intimate of things right now. It gives me shivers.

The lost of my wallet and my cellphone are two events that made me realize my current status in life. I'm 21 (ok, 23!), working and very self-sufficient. I am earning what most people my age just dream of. And with my recent appointment, I am earning way beyond my age and experience deserves. But what do I have to show for it? I checked my personal back account and I cannot even buy a decent cellphone (decent means around 20k up!). When I lost my wallet, I have to get monet from my secret stash I have promised myself to use only in 2 conditions: 1) there's a Civil War in the Philippines, and 2) When there is an urgent need for me to fly to Manila. Mind you, dying of starvation is not included in these conditions. So just imagine my self-gloat and anger when I used that money. I am totally embarassed to tell everyone that I have led a life of semi-Hedonism and for that I am paying dearly. I am nearing a financial disaster. Well, that's an exaggeration, but what I mean is that I really, really, as in really (as real as my bilbil can get) start paying more attention with my finances. With that, it means:

1. Less shopping --- sigh. (La Coste was will be on sale until the 15th.)
2 Less trip to the spa/salon. (Maybe twice a month.)
3. Less of eating out.
4. Less trips. (The Dumaguete trip would be my last for the 2nd and 3rd quarter!)
5. Less night out.

It also means I need to review my total expenditures. The weird thing is that, I am very efficient in handling these types of things at work, but why can't I do it when it comes to my personal life.

Lexie, you have a lot of shopping, sorry, sorting to do!

And finally, I have lost it. Yeah. Remember the song that says,"You've lost that lovin' feeling." or something like that. Yes. I really thought it was hard to do, or it's gonna take me years to recover from it. But no!

After nurturing the "feelings" for month, I have realized that this was a losing battle. Why? Well because the truth of the matter is, the feeling is not being reciprocated. I was not really expecting something like that in the first place. It was more of, uhmmm.... maybe he will, maybe he won't type of thing. He was actually the main topic of some of my previous blog entries. Anyway, I know a lot of my friends would not believe me. That's ok, because I know based on how crazy I've been about him, and how I still use him as passwords, it's hard to believe that I'll let go of it that easy. Truth of the matter is, I cannot say 100% that I am over him. I mean, who does. Everyone who has been in love would say that. He is still plays a big role in my life, although significantly smaller compared before when I used to plan my actions, the way speak, what I say, to suit his liking. Now, I really don't care that much anymore. Maybe in a couple of months when my poor, poor heart has healed, I could say that, I ma gonna update you until then.

The good thing about this particular "lost' is that I have gained a friend. I am more comfortable around him now. Before, I used to squirm, blush, stutter, be flabbergasted in his presence. I used to put a front of being intelligent and smart just to impress him. (Stupid me. I am not sour-graping or trying to justify anything, but really, he is not the type of guy that someone would totally can go crazy over with. I mean, he is an average looking guy. He is smart as hell though, maybe that's reason. My friends were surprised actually, they can't seem to see what I saw in him. If you're reading this, sorry. You're still H-O-T for me!) Now, I can just be intelligent and smart self. Hahahaha! Joke! We get to share thoughts, intimate secrets (not that intimate though, not yet!). Before, I used to censor myself when delivering my infamous dirty jokes fearing that he might be abhored and offended by it. Now and moving forward, I will shower him with the dirtiest and greenest and gayest jokes I can conjure!!!

I think that's enough blogging for now. I am actually promising myself to update this blog at least once a week. I don't know where I would find the time. But if someone is actually reading this and waiting for updates, then it is my responsibilty to feed them with my most trivial musings.

My BORA Escapade

2006-04-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

My body is still aching, my face is hot and I think I am coming down with fever. But that's ok, it's all because of having too much fun.
I was finally, after so many years, was able to go to Boracay. I have been planning to pay a visit to the famed resort paradise- island ever since I started working. I don't know if it's the schedule or the resources (I hope not!), but I just seem to miss every opportunity of going. Until last week when our Sales Manager actually offered a BORA package to me. What happened is that the winner of the trip apparently has worked in Boracay for a number of years, so you can tell that she was not really that thrilled to go back there that soon. So, enter Lexie to the Boracay picture!
I was so excited because I have been looking forward for a break, in fact any kind of break. Work has been exhausting and the pressure could sometimes be too much to take. The programs crazy drive to meet the targets has been exasperating. But that's a whole new different blog entry altogether, so I would not dwell on that. At least not today.
Anyway, going back to the main discussion, Boracay was a B-L-A-S-T! It was everything that I have imagined, seen on TV, heard from my friends and more! Bora is the Temptation Island, Philippine version. All kinds of 'bad" things are there. Sex, drugs, alchohol and more sex. Well, I actually did not get any. I was not "actively looking" after all.
The weird part is that, for entire time that I was there, the only thing that I wanted to do was to actually sleep! I know, people go to Boracay to party (I did, on our last night on the island!) or to enjoy the sun. I am not really a very "sunny" person. I don't like the heat and the sticky sand, I like the beach mainly for the view.
There was two things that I enjoyed the most in Bora, the first was the night out. The beach side bars where jam-packed and overflowing with people. MTV was there and I was able to see one of my biggest staright crush, Champ Lui, the vocalist from Hale. Anyway, the other thing that I totally enjoyed was the Banana boat ride. I was so scared at first because I cannot swim. But it was fun! Reallyfun!

I haven't really written anything signifacnt or personal in this blog recently. Probably because I'm too busy from work or I just cannot think of anything that is even slightly amusing. My blog has been a total waste on web and brain space!

Brokeback Mountain

2006-02-26T04:13:00.000-08:00
I wish I knew how to quit you!" - Jack Twist, Brokeback Mountain

I have to say something. In fact, I have been waiting for days to write something about this movie. It might be that I have lost the abililty to write something fairly decent or maybe, as I suspect, the movie blew me away (no pun intended!) that I cannot write something about it. Well, it's not really that I cannot think of anything to say about the movie, but the truth of the matter is that I have soooooo much to say that I don't know where to start.

We all know how this movie has been sweeping the world so I am going to spare you that. What I am gonna write is my personal experience with the movie.

This is a movie that would NEVER FAIL to illicit reaction from anyone that has seen it. Whether be good or bad, one way or another, you will have a reaction. For months, I have anticipated the release of this movie locally. I was even in doubt if it would be screened here in the Philippines considering that the subject matter is very sensitive in nature. My friend bought a pirated DVD of it weeks even before the trailers were shown in the local cinemas. I almost died from restrainig myself from watching the movie. I was the prime advocate of this movie to my friends and officemates. My wallpaper and screensaver are both scenes from "Brokeback Mountain." I made it a point that anyone that enjoys watching movies would see this one.

Finally, after months of waiting, I was sitting in a dark movie house as the opening credits roll. This was it! I was dying from excitement!

Two hours and twenty minutes later, I got out of the movie house with eyes puffed and a very heavy heart. The movie was true to it's promise. Man, it was TRAGIC!

The story itself was breeding TRAGEDY from the beginning. I mean, we all know that this kind of LOVE would never have a happy ending. I mean, had this thing happened today, they could have eloped to Massachusets and got marreid. But it was in 1963, in Marlboro Country! Where man are hard and rough and being "queer" is a sure ticket to an early death! But the movie was great. The story was seeded deeply in the fact that during that time, talk of homosexuality was taboo.

This fact was intricately layered though-out the movie. Although there was not much dialogues discussing this, you can see it in their facial expressions, meaningful pauses and body movements.

Ennis del Mar was uncompromising with the fact that their relationship be kept secret. On the contrary, Jack was more comfortable about his sexuality.

Acting was superb! Not only by the two lead actors but also the supporting casts. Heath Ledger was amazingly lovely in some parts and infuriating in others. Jake Gylenhaal was great but there were some scenes that he was losing the character, specially with the Texan drawl. Anne Hathaway was also great. I loved the scene when Ennis called and they were taking about Jack over the phone. She was cold as steel but you know that she knows and that she is aware of the true events that lead to jack's death. I cannot help but utter "Bitch!" under my breath.

But the real revelation was Michelle Williams as "Alma." Her facial expressions and the way that she used her eyes to express emotions were so powerful that it was her "discovery" scene that first made me cry. She was so contained yet just rearing to get it on. She was fab!

Notes about Brokeback Mountain

It made me cry as much as I cried when I first saw "Billy Elliot," - one of my fave movies. I think I cried like, four or five times. The love story just touched me.

What is maddening about the movie was the fact that Ennis was so uncompromising about their relationship. He keeps everything inside when all the while Jack was also suffering from it. I understand that people were not ready for homo-love during those times, but christ! can you at least say something!

The scond time that they had sex was real love. It was a beginning of a romance and not just a night of accidental sex. There was no animal-like grunting and haste. Ennis even kissed Jack which he refused to do the first time.

The mountain itself made a big part in the movie. Except for the fact that ot was the title, I think the director made the mountain a third person in their love story.

There were some parts that I felt was orchetrated. Like the last scene between Ennis and Jack, when they had a big fight. I mean, it was obviously that the movie was about to hit the cresendo just by looking into the scene. I still liked it though.

In the same scene where Ennis almost lost control, I felt bad for Ennis. It might be that he was not really ready when Jack came along his life and that he was happy before Brokeback Mountain. I mean, he has his life almost planned out and then all of a sudden, Jack came along and opened so many new things for him. Looking back, Ennis was also the more tortured of the two just for the fact that Jack has some other means of getting it and Ennis remained loyal to their relationship. I also felt that there were times when Jack was asking too muvh from Ennis. I mean that guy lost his family and cannot hold a decent job, what more can you ask for?

I know that a lot of people that have read the reviews and then seen the movie would say that it was over-rated. Well, it could be. I mean, as I have said earlier, it illicits every kind of reaction there is. Disgust. Delight. Enlightenment. Fear and doubts.

One thing that I really loved about the movie is that fact that it left something for eveyone to ponder. This movie would be talked about for years.

And yeah, afte watching Brokeback Mountain, I realized something: If you have been in the closet, come out or remain inside for the next twenty years! It is difficult to live a life of deceit and lies! You don't want to waste twenty years of your life because you were afraid, right? Swear? You know who you are.

On Average Handling Time and Gay Movie Marathon

2006-01-28T18:21:00.000-08:00
What's with the title?

Yeah, actually, I am asking myself the same question. What's with the title? Well, actually, the title the conclusion of how I spent my last two weeks. But aside from that, I am also wondering about the fact that I cannot even make a decent title for this blog entry.

Have I actually lost my less-than-plausible talent for writing? I used to win contests' when I was in school by conjuring stories just about anything. But Alas! After years of killing millions of braincells by smoking, binge drinking, idle thoughts and trash TV, I cannot even come up with a title that would tickle anyone's fancy. Have I become that dense? Did my years of call center slavery finally caught up and I am now left with a brain that is void of creative juices? Have I become a corporate whore? Am I losing my free spirit?

These questions are rather hard to answer. In fact, I am not even going to attempt to shed light on this. I am just too tired.

Anyway, last week has been a blur of events at work. Well technically, my life evolves around work. I do not know people outside my current workplace. So whatever happens in my alomost-dead personal life is nothing but an extension of my office life. The general condition in the office has been gloomy for weeks now. As I have said during my previous post, our center has been undergoing a lot of drastic and dare I say it, desperate changes? And with these comes bigger responsibility and more pressure. My team, which is composed of senior agents has been on the hot seat far too long. In fact, over one of our meetings, while walking to the conference room, I suddenly heard a voice inside my head. The voice of Saruman saying "Darkness looms over the middle earth." Gawd! I cannot get that thought out of my head all through out the meeting. Funny at the same time scary. The situation is that dreadful that my brains processed it as if Mordor has been rebuilt and that ot's going to try to rule Middle Earth again. Yikes!

Anyway. Our metrics are being scrutized and processes being questioned. During the first phase of these events, I was somehow cool with it, in fact, I went along all the changes, suggestions and what have you just to make people happy. I know I should not be doing that, but hey, who I am to dictate how to run the business? But as the time progressed, I felt that I am always on my toes (not that it's bad!), and that I am constanly gasping for my next breath. People are just breathing down my neck! Sometimes it's just tiring or worse, it renders you numb.

MOVING FORWARD!!

I bet you really don't wanna hear my current work condition. In fact, the main reason that your reading this is because you yourself is either tired of your job and that you need air to breath.

So, let's talk about something else. Something more interesting. Like, the fact that I had a gay movie marathon last week! Yey!

Actually, this is what happened. Mark (an office friend of mine) apparently has a stash of gay movie/porn. So, I borrowed it since I will be on Rest Day. Totally, I saw like 5 gay-theme movie. This is the run-down:

Eating Out

This movie has been creating a stir not just because of it's contents but because of the director itself. From what I have heard, the director Q. Allan Brocka is actually related to the legendary filmmaker Lino Brocka.
Watching "Eating Out" is like seeing 10 episodes of "Melrose Place" in one sitting. Androgeny and swapping of partners to the highest level. Smorgasbord of straight, bisexual and homosexual sex scenes.

Young Gods
Set in the cellphone capital of the world, Finland, "Young Gods" is a story of group of young friends that has to learn life's cruelty the hard way. One day after filming his friends sex encounter, the group decided upon wager that they are to videotape every sexual encounter they have. Pressured to prove their manliness, one by one, they became the victim of their own foolishness. Worth watching.

Sugar

This is a good/bad movie, depending what's your take on gay relationship, well, relationship in general. This a story of young love went bad. There is so much coke involved in the movie, by the end of it, I was totally high. Hahah!

Try to look for these movies in your nearest pirated DVD store. Yeah, I buy pirated DVD's so sue me!

AND LASTLY

I am so talking today! Hahahah! I cannot believe that i am typing all this while listening to my agents' calls! Hahahah!

I can feel it. The akwardness. The feeling of being uneasy around each others' presence, assuming that he indeed feels akward around me.

I totally hate this feeling. The fact that I make a person feel akward is not a flaterring idea, this is not helping my fast depleting self-esteem.

Come on! Enough if this tocuhy-feely crap! If I would continue with this, might as well go back to Manila and isolate myself! This is so emotionally unhealthy!

Anyway, I am soooo looking forward for the screening of the most awaited movie by the whole Gay-dom! Brokeback Mountain!!! I heard it;s going to be screened February 15 here in the Philippines! I am so excited! A friend of a friend of mine that has seen the movie said that we need to bring Kleenex and shades because our eyes will be all puffed from crying after watching this movie! Yey!

Blame it on the weather

2006-01-17T18:59:00.000-08:00
gloomy - 'glü-mE; 1 a : partially or totally dark; especially : dismally and depressingly dark b : having a frowning or scowling appearance : FORBIDDING c : low in spirits : MELANCHOLY 2 a : causing gloom : DEPRESSING b : lacking in promise or hopefulness : PESSIMISTIC

This kind of weather makes me sad. It reminds of the old Carpenter song my mom used to sing when I was way younger;

Rainy Days and Mondays always makes me cry.

Although it's not raining and it certainly is not Monday, I feel the same. I don't really know. These past few days, I have been melancholic and sad, which I should not be in the first place, well for one, Cebu just had a fantastic Sinulog and I myself enjoyed so much that day. Everyone was just having fun! The crowd was super crazy. But the night was more fun!!! Me and my officemates/friends went to Vudu that and danced the night away. There was this faboulous percussion group called the "La Carlota Drum Group" and they can play along any kind of music. I know that house music is fabulous but accompanied by these talented drumers, men, it was like being a big orgy. A long and rowdy Samba line. The jive, the beat was just rushing through every vein in my body.

But no. That was not enough to lift my spirits. I still feel like my heart is gum on the ground. Maybe it is because of the fact that thinggs at work are also not looking good. There are even some rumors going around that the site is going to close (As part of the management team, I should be dispelling these kinds of rumors, but I myself is having a hard time feeling hopeful!). Hay! I don't know what to think. I especially do not know what to feel.

So what now? What do you think? Well now, I think the main reason for this emotions is that I finally have realized what I feel towards him. I know what my freinds would say, that I have been denying it all along, yes, guilty as charged. But with that discovery also came the realization that I have fearing the most.

Same old story, not much to say, hearts are broken everyday. - Jewel

That is what I have been fearing all along. This is leading nowhere and my pitiful heart just cannot contain another heartbreak.

Open Letter of a LOSER

2006-01-06T18:14:00.000-08:00
closure - noun; - the condition of being closed; ending something; resolving open issues by talking or negotiating.

I need closure.

Though things may have been back to what it was before, it is never gonna be the same again. I would wannna say that we are back to normal, but I won't. We are far from being normal.

I would want you to know what I am feeling right now. I know that some things that I have might have caught you off-guard and you have judged me based on that. That is why I am writing this letter.

I need a big favor from you.

Remember the last night that we partied before I left for Manila?
Remember that you were so drunk I had to send you home?
I bet you do.
I bet you did not know that I went after you because I was concerned that you can't go home alone?
I bet you did not know that I spent a good hour waiting outside your house for you to answer you phone?
I bet you don't.
I bet you laughed and thought how silly I was when you have read the text messages I sent that night?
I bet you are still thinking of me as this pathetic loser that has been drooling for you?
I bet you do.

What I need for you is stop for a minute and think it over before you judge me. I am so not gonna ask for your attention, I don't need that. What I'm going to ask you is to forget what happened that and treat as if that never occurred.

I am so not gonna lose a friend over something that I'm sure would lead to nowhere.

I would also want to say sorry for putting you in a situation where you don't have any control. I know for a fact that you are a control-freak. Unfortunately, there are somethings that we cannot control, say, my emotions.

I hope that we can be friends like we were before. I have worked hard to earn your trust. In fact, this was the first time I had to work on it, most of the time, people like me as I am. But you're not like other people. You're crazy, you can be sarcastic, obnoxious, mean, arrogant, high-and-mighty, flawless to your eyes.... all these.

I am so feeling like a LOSER today. I would want to walk away from the feelings but I cannot. I have to face this. These are the consequences of taking too much tequila then using cellphones after that.

I need closure.

UPDATE

What's up with that post?
Ew....
You see, I was dazed and confused that time. It's like when a deer crossing a road is struck by car lights, it actually stops dead in it's track. That is how I was that day.
I don't do CONFESSIONS. That's not my thing.
(Excuses)
Anyways, thanks for the kind words of my friends, Mikey, Paul and Erwin. I know you understand.
I am so looking forward to SINULOG revelry 2006! I am so gonna get drunk and forget everything. Just make sure though that if I start blabberring things that are incoherent and that would put me in compromising position again, hide my cellfone. Or better yet, stab me somewhere near the jugular.

The Year that was 2005

2005-12-26T14:49:00.000-08:00
close - 1. ending; Synonyms: adjournment, cessation, completion, conclusion, culmination, denouement, desistance, end, finale, finish, period, stop, termination, windup

Whew! What a year, what a year???? That is what I can say for this year. 2005 is undoubtedly, bar-none, the best year I have ever had!

Yeah, there maybe a couple of bummers but hey, I'm still here, alive and rearing for 2006.

There are so many reasons why this year is my best year. The fact that I am here in Cebu, living independently, earning my own money that most people my age could only dream of, on top of it, shamelessly spending it. That's life kiddo!

Well, it's not all material things though.

What made this year a fantabulous year were the people that I met along the way. My life would have been less colorful without these persons. To all of you, you know who you are and from the bottom of my heart, I am thanking you all for making this such a great year.

This journey for my yet-to-be-concluded self-discovery has been a hell of a roller-coaster ride. But having someone to scream, get scared, cry and be thrilled with you along the ride definitely makes it a lot more enjoyable.

I know sometimes I may not be the best of company and that I can be a bitch, but I know that you can understand. I may constantly whine and complain about certain things, but I can only hope that you tried to listen to me during those times.

The lessons that I have learned are priceless. I know now that more often than not, life is unfair and we should get used to it. And that, even if life is unfair, it can sometimes lean towards you. If Lady Luck is smiling upon you, life can bring tons of pleasant surprises.

This year also thought me that a broken heart can be fixed and that one day, I might need to open it again. I just have to have the right person that would have the right key. I CANNOT BELIVE I AM SAYING THIS!

This year has been really a wonderful and fruitful one. I know that I have left a lot of things behind in trade of the future that I am living now, but hey, life has always been a gamble, and I am glad that I made this decision.

Call me a Drama Queen but I am. Thank you for making my sorry life worth living! BIG TIME!

Cebu is where my heart is....

2005-12-13T04:05:00.000-08:00
home - 1 : the social unit formed by a family living together; a familiar or usual setting; congenial environment; the focus of one's domestic attention ; a place of origin.

Finally, after a year of slaving and slave-driving, I am home. Yes. Manila, Project 4 to be exact.

I should be so happy. At long last, my well-deserved vacation. I should be ecstatic. NOT!

I really feel guilty by the fact that my family and friends have been really looking forward for my return. My Mom even asked me why was I only staying for a week. I said that if I take a longer vacation, I might go back un-employed. But in reality, I was really afraid to stay longer in Manila. This is like a ghost city for me. This place is full of ghosts of my past, past relationships, past friends, part of my past that I have been running away from. One of the things that I have loved in Cebu is that it gave a me a clean slate, chance to start everything again.

The moment I set foot at the Manila Domestic Airport, I had this sudden feeling of stiffling heat. I felt so suffocated. While battling the traffic in EDSA, the taxi driver tried to start a conversation with me. He asked me if I was on vacation in Manila or if I was on a business trip. I told him that I have been working in Cebu for a year and that this is my first time going home. He also asked me about Cebu and how is it. Well, I told him that Cebu is far better than Manila and that the people is much nicer.

Manila is so polluted! You can actually feel it in the air. It is thick with smog and the air feels really sticky. The traffic is awful!!! My God, it took me three hours from the airport to our house. Good thing the driver of the cab that I took was really nice. The first one I hailed actually wanted me to pay 500 pesos! The nerve! The metered one cost me just 250!!! Welcome to Manila!

I am not saying that Manilenyos are bad people. It's just that, in my opinion, we were breed with the dog-eat-dog principle. It's like everything, everyday is a battle. A debacle. You have to always fight for everything. Fight for your seat in the bus or MRT, fight for your favorite table in a restaurant or a bar, fight for your living and your life. Although this proved to be a very good training for the corporate world, which works with almost the same ferocity, I am not used to it anymore.

When I was still in college, it would take me 1 jeepney ride and 1 FX Megataxi to reach my destination. It would take me 2 hours everyday! When I started working, I would need to ride a jeepney and a bus to reach work! It was a constant and almost endless battle to survive. I have survived 3 robberries, 1 hostage scene and thousands of embarassing and scary moment. Everyday is like a high-wire act. Death-defying.

But Cebu is a place that have grown on me. I love the city and the people. The life is less complicated.

On my way home, I saw the same people I have seen when I was growing up. It was such a deppressing scene. The fact that I have moved forward and going places in contrast with their false contentment with their sorry lives makes me mad and sad at the same time sad. I mean, here I am working my ass off to at least improve my way of living, but them.... them???? I dunno! Hates it!

I did missed my family and my friends though, so much! When I arrived home, our house looked different. I stood in the middle of my old room and it felt weird. I cannot feel my self, I cannot see myself. This is not me anymore. Eventhough I kept on insisting that not much has changed with me, the truth is there are. I may not be a whole new person but the Lexie that left Manila is not the same that left Cebu.

This may sound so cliche but the yes, I left my heart (with someone) in Cebu.....

Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros at ang mga Aral ng Buhay

2005-12-07T10:28:00.000-08:00
Synopsis

In THE BLOSSOMING OF MAXIMO OLIVEROS Maxi, a gay pre-teen, is slavishly and uncomplainingly devoted to his family of small-time criminals in a Manila slum. He cleans house for them, cooks for them, washes their underwear, mends their tattered jeans, and, if need be, even covers their tracks so they won't be caught by the police. His world revolves around them. That is, until he meets Victor, a principled, idealistic and handsome young policeman. Victor befriends Maxi and inspires in him the hope for a better life. This doesn't go down too well with Maxi's family.

There are only a few movies that could make you laugh, cry, shout and cringe at the same time. This is one of those movies for me.

This movie is a total success. I have not seen a local movie in a long while that made me feel this way. Not only because the main topic of the movie is close to my heart, but also for the fact that this movie dared to tackle on this very sensitive and misunderstood, should I say "sector" of our society.

Though the movie portrayed a very stereotypical young Filipino gay, it was able to deliver what the story is about. This is not about being gay, in fact, I would not want ot call it a "gay" movie because it is not! This is a story of a family, a society, a battle between what is right and what is socially accepted. This is a story of a young person caught between his family and his desire to belong into a more productive and personal relationship.

One of the message that was parted to me by the movie was this, that no matter how harsh the reality is, and the current situation, love still exist. It might not be in a form of an erotic love affair but the love for ones family, for oneself counts.

I love how the movie also portrayed the relationship with Maxi and his brothers. It is very unusual to see such closeness between a tough older brother and a gay younger brother. The understanding and the love between them was enormous that it was the only thing that saved the family from total doom. It was love so pure that it was able to transcend the cruelty the situation presented.

The stories that the creators of this movie wanted to tell was intricately weaved into the pre-teen years of Maxi. These are the times when everyone goes though a phase of self-questioning and discovery. Although, Maxi was already quite sure of his sexual preference, he was not prepeared for what was to come. He was not prepared for his first love. I love this movie because it was able to show the true feelings of an innocent love, when love was pure and unadulterated. The way that love should always be.

Maybe, there are days that we feel all is lost, that we are fighting a lost cost. There are days when our thoughts about love and life is jaded and is cynic. There are times when we feel that nothing is worth fighting and living for. But the film showed us something different, it showed us that beyond what we see, there is always something to strive for. That even the darkest hour can bring the best out of people. And as Maxi did to Victor, he fully accepted the fact that there are some things that are more important and beyond him, so, he walked passed him, though hesitatting for a moment, then moved forward.

Strolling Down the Memory Lane

2005-11-28T00:27:00.000-08:00
"Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout." - Beatles

I know that the title is tacky, but what the hell! I feel nostalgic today. Kung ano man ang isusulat ko dito, you cannot blame me, I am melancholic.

Anyway, I was in Ayala window-shopping when a sudden wave of nostalagia hit me. I don't know why, but I suddenly felt like crying. I am not pyscho or something, I know for a fact that you have has the same experience as well. You know, that feeling that suddenly you were all alone and in despair. I am not sure what triggered this emotion but I felt that I needed to write something about it. So ayan, I was not planning to do this but I can't help but update this blog.

Remember the days when you were younger? Not that I am old, you know, those days? Those days when everything was almost okay? When the dollar was only 25 pesos? When Phillipines 2000 was still a dream and not a nightmare that it became? Hay, those were the days!

This reminiscing of the past brought me some good ol' memories. I think, my concious past started when I was in high school. I can still remember the dread that I felt during the first day of school. The teacher was calling each name to assign a section. All the familiar names were already called and was already ushered into their respective classrooms. Only a bunch of scared-looking freshmen were left. Apparently, those scared-looking bunch was to be my classmates and that we were the pilot section. Yes! First day of my first year high school life.

The time does fly! Don't look now! After four gruelling years of studying, lame Foundation Day performances, numerous slogan-making contests, thousands of quizzes, hundreds of periodical exams and countless irepairable embarassing moments, graduation day is here!

I know for a fact that high school was the best time of my life. Why? Because this was the time when all our dreams were formed. This was the time when we thought we already know ourselves and sternly believed it until such event that would wake us out of our stupor and shake us to the core. This was the time when we had our first crush, first love, first pimple.... almost everything first in the maddening pre-adolescent world is experienced during high school. Personally, I had my first heart-break during high school. The details are too gory for this blog so if you wanna ask, I'll tell you about it over coffee.

I remembered my silly dream. I wanted to become the President. Well, back then, I was not thinking of becoming the first gay president, I just wanted to be the President. How stupid can I be? I then took Pol Sci to follow that dream, but college was different. I was so disillusioned that I had to stop school.

Anyway.... I am not sure if this post can capture what I am really feeling right now. I am sure that you can relate to this one way or another.

Hay. I miss the simplicity of that life, when all we can think of was... well, nothing really. We were carefree and free as a bird. Now, we have our bosses, the deadlines to beat, the reports to be submitted, the numbers to be met, the bills to be paid. I hate it.

Don't you just wish that for one day, just one day, we can go back to those days and live it all over again?

My Early Christmas Wishlist -UPDATED

2005-10-18T18:41:00.000-07:00
I have been hearing carols in the air for the last couple of days and the daily newscast ends with a countdown. It is official, Christmas '05 is here!

In line with that, I would post my "Wish List" for this coming Christmas. Asking why it is too early, well, so that you people have time to save or look for it. I am actually thinking about you here, you see, if I would not post this wish list, you'll be torturing yourself of thinking a gift that is worthy of me. And besides, you don't want to go to a warzone and kill yourself by doing a last-minute Chrsitmas shopping.

So, dig deep into your pockets guys!

UPDATED Since Chrsitmas is over, I have made an invertory of the things that I got!

Me Super-Likey

1. A Sony Cybershot Digicam (guys, you can actually chip-in for this.) But, my friend said that the new Canon Ixus is a lot better!! --Still waiting
2. An I-pod -- Thanks Ma!
3. DVD's of the following:

a. The COMPLETE "Sex and the City" Collection* -- bought this myself
b. The COMPLETE "Queer as Folk" Collection* -- still waiting
c. Any season of "CSI"* -- still waiting
d. "Billy Eliot"** -- still waiting
e. "Y Tu Mama Tambien"** -- still waiting
f. "Farewell My Concubine"** -- still waiting
g. "My Life in Pink"** -- still waiting
h. "Mean Girls"** -- bought this myself

* Pirated would do
** Original (I don't support piracy! Bwahaha!)

4. CD's of any artist here: (Burned and compiled would do!)

a. Hale -- still waiting
b. Bamboo -- still waiting
c. Rivermaya -- still waiting
d. Classic Eraserheads (early career) -- Thanks Michelle!~
e. Michael Buble's latest CD -- still waiting
f. Kitchie Nadal -- Thanks Roshelle!
g. Any great House music compilation CD -- still waiting

5. Any of these books:

a. The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck -- Thanks Sling
b. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner -- still waiting
c. Animal Farm by George Orwell -- still waiting
d. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee -- still waiting
e. Bob Ong Books -- still waiting
h. Chaim Potok Books -- still waiting
i. Maya Angelou Collection -- still waiting
j. Harry Potter series -- still waiting
k. 100 Poems by Pablo Neruda -- still waiting

6. That "Cebu" mug from Starbucks. -- still waiting
7. That blue Technomarine watch! Yummy! -- still waiting
8. That black shoe from G.H. Bass that I have been drooling for weeks. Size 11. -- still waiting
9. That khaki sports jacket from Loalde in ACC. -- still waiting
10. Two-way ticket to Manila. Thanks Mommy Ren's
11. Vacation Leave!!!! As in, I super-badly need this! I need a break! Thanks OM Ande
12. Spending more time knowing you would not hurt. Yeah YOU! still waiting for you. A text or a YM would do!

Or, if you cannot give me any of these.... a one-night chit-chat marathon over a cup of hot caffee mocha grande that you paid for will do. But then again, it would not hurt if you'll refer to the list for my Chrsitmas present! -- Yeah BITCHES, I am still waiting for this!

Cheery-O!

My Personality Defect

2005-10-03T20:29:00.001-07:00

So, I took this test in fun-fun websites. It's going to determine what personality defects I have. So after answering like 24 questions, the results said that my personality defect is being a:

Braggart
You are 57% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 71% Arrogant.
You are the Braggart! Like Muhammad Ali, you would surely tell everyone that you are "The Greatest" whilst bragging incessantly about your intelligence, your skills, and your abilities. You tend to be a thinker rather than a feeler, and combined with your extroversion and arrogance, this makes you someone who probably just LOVES to brag about his accomplishments. Despite this, however, you are a very gentle, tender person and truly care about others' feelings. You just happen to care more about yourself. Unlike Ali, of course, you are rather rational as opposed to emotional, and you are also much more gentle. But his arrogance and extroversion best reflect the most visible aspects of your personality. Your personality defect is the fact that you are extremely overconfident, extroverted, and perhaps rather lacking in emotions. YOU ARE THE GREATEST! Or so you keep telling yourself every night, in hopes that eventually everyone else on the planet will agree. Well, sorry, we probably won't.

To put it less negatively:
1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.

Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Bitch-Slap.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Haughty Intellectual, and the Capitalist Pig.
*
*
If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.
The other personality types:
The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Love is a Scary Thought

2005-10-01T11:30:00.000-07:00
Ok, so my friends have been insisting that I am in-love. That just gives me the shivers!!!

Come on!!!

I am not saying that I have lost all the abilities to feel anything towards other people, but love? Give me a break! Yeah, I might like this and that particular person, but to claim that I love him is a total absurdity! Don't get me wrong though, the guy is okay. It's just that when people tell you somethings that they say you are feeling, it just makes it worse.

Have you ever wondered where people get the idea that you are in-love even when you're not telling them. I mean, does it really show in your actions? What if you are just naturally sweet and caring? Does that mean that you are in-love with the particular person? And sometimes, other people can mis-interpret your actions, right? Do you actually believe that if a person is in-love, you can see it in their eyes? What if there is something else that inspires that person. What if like me, they are just happy as they are? What if they are just fine being single, working, spending their hard-earned moolah and having the time of their lives?

Do we actually need someone to validate our existense?

I know that a lot of people would argue with this point that I will raise, but I honestly believe that the idea of love and being in-love has always been over-rated. I am not a sociopath. It's just that I feel that we have been using the word "love" very loosely these days.

I am quite sure that what a mother feels toward her children is real love, but to compare the same feeling the we feel towards other people that we have only known for less than like 3 months, that's offending.

Love is a very scary thought. Imagine promising forever with someone? What if one day you've discovered that he has 6 toes, or that he does not enjoy listening to Madonna? The horrors!

We can never be too sure about anything. Maybe we are confusing love with other sensation that we cannot put our fingers on. Maybe our idea of love has been jaded by the movies that we have seen or the books that we have read. Damn that Shakespeare guy!

(Defensive!)

On Blogging and Confessing

2005-10-01T11:03:00.000-07:00
Ok, I know the title is kinda intriguing and ambitious, but let me tell you first that whatever I am gonna write here is based on my personal views and opinions. I am not gonna try to dissect the reason why blogging is such a HUGE hit these days, or why people blog at all. So please, just try to read through it and enjoy. I am no Freud.

Hehe....

The first line of these blog is such a contradiction. And why? OK, first of all, the main reason why people blog is for them to catch attention. Let's admit the fact that we, as 21st century human beings are breed by the years of television and internet VOYEURISM. If every blogger in the internet would write disclaimers like that, might as well keep it in a locked diary.

We are afraid that we are going to be judged based on what we are writing/sharing in our blogs but the fact that we actually posted something is a very clear indication that we are opening ourselves to the prying eyes of whoever reads your blogs.

Like this one I am writing. I know for a fact that someone, somehow, a soul would stumble upon this blog and read it. In this way, I am already opening myself up to criticism and judgement. We are all EXHIBITIONISTS, in one way or another. We have to surrender to the fact that once we have something written in our blogs, it is a way of baring our souls, our thoughts. At least that remains true for people like me that believes that writing is still the purest way of pouring out one's soul. When we post something in the internet, it is a subtle invitation to take a peek in our thoughts, may it be superficial or an honest presentation of ones' true self.

Think of it this way, blogging is the quintessential display of human's primal instinct to belong. We try to share our thoughts to the millions in the internet because we want someone to get something from it, to live with the experience, to synchronized with the same thoughts and sometimes to learn something from it. As humans, we use so many measures to leverage and benchmark ourselves with other human beings. We simply want to belong to a mass. Admittedly, I am openly riding in this bandwagon called blogging. I could site some reasons why I blog though:

1. Theraphy - for those like me that cannot afford to go to shrinks with ridiculous hourly basis rates, blogging can serve as an alternative outlet for all those pent-up angst so as not to strangle ourselves, hmmm... and sometimes your boss too.

2. The Hip/Cool/In Factor - again, we are alwyas fascinated and smitten by what is "in." There is a certain "hip"or "cool" factor if you are doing what the so-called "mass" is also doing.

3. The Intellectual Vanity appeal (plagiarized phrase!) - I would like to think that in writing my blogs, I am able to impart something valuable to my readers. Wheter it's a close friend being updated on what is currenlty happening in my life, or a stranger stumbling upon this blog. This also serves as a good venue for frustarted/trying-hard writers like me to publish our senseless mumblings.

4. Confessions - yes, this is the last and for me, most important reason why I blog. I am, you can say, coward when it comes to revealing and confessing my own feelings. I tend to shy away from confrontations and try to settle by compromising. I also feel that using the internet as a medium of sending messages is very im-personal but nonetheless effective. It saves us from the shame of face-to-face inter-actions.

On that note, I would end this blog by saying that, I know you have been reading my blogs, and that somehow, I hope that I have sparked even a little interest in your heart. Let me tell you, that everytime I see or hear you, I get that "warm and fuzzy" feeling inside. I may not fulfill your fantasies or meet your "minimum standard requirements." Though everyday is a battle to get your attention and sustain it even for a minute by my trivial musings because of your ADHD. Though I sometimes I feel stupid and dumb by following you around. Though this would sound mushy and all.... I just want you to know....

Ah...nevermind! (I don't wanna be judged you know!)

My Personal Mission Statement Sucks!

2005-09-07T03:10:00.000-07:00
Hay! I attended this seminar last week on trying to create my own "mission statement" in life. It was okay until the time that we had to share or mission statement.
I was caught off-guard!
Honestly, I'm at a lost. I am a drifter. Que sera sera. So when I was prompted by that question, I panicked. I have been alive for the last 23 years and until now, I still don't know what I wanna do in life. I am not saying though that I don't have plans for my, say, career. But long-term planning just doesn't suit me right now.
As what I have said in that seminar-cum-rehab, what I only want to do is live the moment and enjoy every breath of every day that passes by. I wanna live life to it's fullest (such a cliche!). And in the end of it all, I want this written in my epitaph, "He danced with life's music, and Oh! how he danced!" (Drama-Queen!)
Hmmm.... there is one thing though that I realized during that seminar. I am not that young anymore and I need to start saving. That's a mission! (Thanks to Paul, that's gonna be a BIG mission for us! Goodluck!)
I dunno, I'm still lost though, as always. Maybe someone can give me a sense of direction.
I need my northern star.

Oh Cebu!

2005-09-07T03:09:00.000-07:00

Whoever said that Manila has it all has definitely not been to Cebu.
I mean, I have lived here for the last nine months and I am almost loving every bit of it. And why not? We (as in Cebuanos, feeling!) have the best beaches, good food, great night life, most sacred of history and best of all --- nice and gorgeous people.
There is no other place in the world that you can be go from a bustling and booming metropolis to the most serene of beaches in under two hours? Only in Cebu! You can go to Bohol, Ilo-ilo, Bacolod,Siquijor in just matter of hours!
Here, you can do things to your heart's content. Cebu has it all. If you're like me that loves to see places, this is the perfect spot for you. You like going to the beach, easy. You can go scuba diving, snorkelling and para-sailing, if your the adventurous type. How about going to the malls, visiting historical places (like the Mactan Shrine and Colon, the first street in the Philippines, be careful though when going there, you've been to Divisoria)?
Cebu is also less crowded and polluted than Manila. You can still breath clean air without the fear of developing asthma after 2 hours. Here, the population is much, much lesser compared to Manila (except during Sinulog, then you need to ask yourself, "Where are all this people coming from??).
Going out on a weekend? Though I rarely to this because of the nature of my job, I can say that Cebu brings its own flavor into the the Saturday night party scene. Though compared to Manila, here, it is a lot tamer. But still the same, if your purpose is to get wasted, have fun and meet fab-o-lous people.
Speaking of....
Cebuanos has a certain kind of charm. I dunno, maybe it's the way they speak. Or maybe the fact that (in my observation) they make an effort to be really different from the Manilenyos. I mean, they always try to put a local touch in everything they do.
They have the sweetest smile that can capture your heart (like me!).
I have meet a lot of wonderful people staying here and I must admit that like many others, I was smitten by what Cebu and the Cebuanos has to offer.
I' m sounding more of a spokesperson for Cebu tourism, I think i should get paid for this, really! But what is the real reason why I am in love with Cebu so much? I dunno. Maybe because they have accepted me as one of their own (did they?), or maybe because I tried to find a refuge and they gave me one. Or maybe, just because maybe, I'm head-over-heels in-love with a true-(and hot)-bloodied Cebuano? Ahihihi!

Moving out and Growing Up!

2005-09-07T03:07:00.000-07:00

Nine months and counting.
That's how long I have been out of our house. Nine months ago, I decided to move out and take the adventure of a lifteime. Independence!
When I accepted the offer to move Cebu, I was apprehensive, as always. It is but natural to react that way when we are moving out and settling into a new place. There is always the fear of the unknown. Thousands of questions starts to race into your mind. The "what if's?"
As I have said with the hasty and sad goodbyes I gave out to my friends and family, it is a bittersweet experience. This was a great advancement in my career and not all people is blessed with the same oppurtunity. I know for a fact that a lot of people would amputate a limb just to be in my position. And for that, I am always thankful.
Going back. I have always dreamed of separating from my parents. Don't get me wrong, my parents and I go all pretty fine, in fact, I was not one of those who went through a "phase." I have always been a good son/daughter (hehehe). But I know, in all of us, the prospect of being independent, having a full control over our lives, making decisions by ourselves is really thrilling. It was indeed. And everyday, I get to learn so many things about myself. There are even instances that I even surprise myself.
But moving out is not all milk and honey. It requires a certain kind of tough-ness, an attitude. Sometimes, there are difficult decisions to make, and the worse is that you have to decide yourself! There seems to be endless task to finish. Bills to pay, doors that needs repair, fixtures to be cleaned... stuff that we have always take for granted when we were still living with our parents. Like the fact that everytime we go home, there is always food ready. Or that we have to bother wheter the flat iron was unplugged on not. Simple things like watching TV with someone to share your thoughts and your laughters with, say, your sister.
Aside from that. there is also the inevitable pang of melancholic feeling every know and then while having your dose of Marlboro Lights that would just make you stupidly sentimental and you just wanna go to the airport immediately, buy a ticket, go home and the hell I care about my job!
Or, while you were watching re-runs of "Meteor Garden," you suddenly missed you friends and started calling them on their cellphones while you were bawling because Dao cannot remember Shan Cai and your friends saying "Ok ka lang, gurl?"
Crazy!
I haven't done that though. But I must admit that it crossed my mind more than once.
Moving out indeed helps you grow up. And fast! It rquires you to mature. It did, at least based on my experience.
But there is always the brighter side of things. You get to go places and explore yourself. Experience somethings that might have been impossible had I stayed with my parents house. You get to meet fab-o-lous people along the way that cannot help but touch your life in one way or another. I am glad then that I took this courageous endeavour.
And then you will meet someone that would open the dried scars of your hearts. Just when you thought that you are okay and not capable of falling in love again, they will knock to your door and we let them in. Again, a gamble. But life, indeed, has always a gamble. We just need to play it well.
Sometimes, I ask myself if all the sacrifice are worth it? The pain of being so far from you family and friends? The fact that you are leaving yourself open and vulberable again? Maybe it is.... I am hoping.
Yesterday, I asked myself before going to sleep, "Is it still the same old Alexis/Alex/Lex/Lexie I am seeing?" I realized, though calloused, hurt but not broken, a year older and decade wiser.... 'tis.

Defenseless

2005-09-07T03:04:00.000-07:00

Giving this blogging thing one more chance!I wrote this during the time that I felt so wrecked and emotional over someone. Just wanna share it to all my friends, and besides, I missed writing poems. Enjoy!

--- Defenseless ---
I am
basking in melancholy.
Though it it selfish,
I am finding myself nourished
in this chosen solitude.

The cycle
vicious and unrelenting
is at the door peeking.
Trying to threaten
and take the best of me.

The reason
for leaving and moving on
is haunting me.

Ghostly apparations from dreams
startles me at night.

The past
is returning.
Just when life seems to be better,easier.
Then you came along.

With you warm breath.
And cool gaze.
Knightly.
Mighty.
I melted.
I was flayed.
Innocently vulnerable.
I was defenseless.

Blue Christmas

2004-12-24T01:44:00.000-08:00

In as much as I would like to wish everyone to be jovial and happy this Christmas, I cannot. Correction, I don't want. I'm bitter. I miss home, I miss my friends and family. You know how the saying says that misery loves company, it's so true right now. I cannot afford to see families and group of friends happy! Now I understand why some people cannot stand other people that seems to be so happy. I am really bitter.
It's not just that though that is making my Christmas less than merry. The fact that we don't have a house yet is another concern. We live in a pension house. What can be more pathetic than living in a pension house on Christmas day? The things that I've plan for my stay here in Cebu is crumbling into pieces because of the incompetencies of some people back in our Ortigas office. Grrrrrrr! I don't wanna think about that anymore, because thank God for the people that shoved instead of pushed, we were able to fix the problem.
One more thing, and this is quite difficult for me. You know my ex-boyfriend texted me last night asking how was I? I was like... duh! What do you care? I texted back and said I was okay with a tone of disconcern and obliviousness. I just felt that after all the things that happened between us and all the things that he did that hurt (believe me there's a lot!) I really wanna move on with my life and forget about him. Then, when I was starting over again, with my new career, new freinds and new love interest, came in the ex barraging me with text messages saying that he still loves me and that he misses me and that all our dreams is slowly turning into reality and that he's a changed man and all that he promised me not to hurt me again and that.... haaaahhh. I still love him!
Stupid ain't it? Yeah it is. But want can I do? I still love and I think there really no getting over him unless a could put closures on our "issues." My God, I sound so ready for an Oprah episode. And to make things worse, I have a new guy already and I think I love him. By the way, he's flying here soon so we could be together. I don't know. I'm lost, and it's Christmas.

Lex in Another City

2004-12-11T22:27:00.000-08:00

Living in Manila, Quezon City that is, for the last 22 years of my life made the person that I am right now. So moving into another city was a monumental task for me. You see, I love the city. I might have been mugged a couple of times, hmmmm three times to be exact and hates the rush hour traffic but I still am a Big City person.
Then here comes Cebu. I cannot say that I know much about this city, but based on what I have seen for the last 3 days, inspite of what people are saying that Cebu is already a Big city, it is not. It's like a big town trying be a small city. The flairs of Manila is absent. The bustling streets, the ant-like people walking on the way to work, the pollution. Cebu City is more quaint, smaller is so many ways. Though there are also many Manila-like qualities, for example, the pimps and their hookers and the staple sidestreet beggars and vendors.
I have always believed that if one really wants to know the city, the heart of it beats loudest at night. Same applies to Cebu. People would fill the park fronting our hotel. It's more like their version of Luneta, though it is a lot more wholesome. A good thing about Cebu though is their BEACHES! I have not seen much aside form what I saw aboard the plane, I can already tell. based on the numbers of tourist, they are beautiful!
What else? Oh yeah the people. Cebuanos, well mostly, have this notion tha everybody in Manila is rich, or least better than them. NOT! In fact, they are nicer and more friendly. I had this conversation with one cute Cebuano who has been to Manila once, I asked him on what he thinks is the difference between Manilenos and Cebuanos, and he said, " Sa Manila, mas madali magka-kwarta, kaya makakabili ka ng gusto mo. Yung mga tao dun mas elegant ba? Kasi dito pwede ka lumabas ng bahay na di naliligo, dun parang hindi." I was shocked. How little this guy knows about Manila, but then I thought, ignorance is bliss, specially these days. I wanted to correct his notion but what for? I might destroy his rosy-glassed impression of the Big City I still love. But one thing that never lacks in Cebu is mall! They have malls in every corner, small, medium sized, big malls. Though it's not like what we have in Manila, at least I have a replica of my domain, my territory, I'm safe. Heheheh! And the movies, it's kinda late, like a month late, the last time I checked, their just showing "The Cellular" and "Polar Express." Hmmmmpp... I hate it when I don't get my dose of the latest movies. So with all these things weighing against this city, one cannpot help but ask, what the hell am I still doing here? The answer, I don't know and I'm clueless as Paris Hilton can be.
And just to let you know, they have Starbucks here, operational since last month! I never saw a Starbucks in Manila that is infested by ants the size of a jeeepney because the site sits beside a lagoon with lush forestry around (no pun intended, promise!).
I miss the City. The miss the mean everyday people you'll meet, I miss my bed and above all. I miss my friends!

First Times

2004-12-06T15:59:00.000-08:00
Life is always unfair, better get used to it.

Yeah, yeah. You've heard it right. This would be my first try, my sort of baptismal of fire on web logging. Though I have a couple of web-based account (e.g. Friendster and Myspace), I have not ventured yet into this wonderful world of blogging (that's according to my friends).
So I guess I have to write something funny and interesting to get your attention and waste some of your minutes to read my blogs. Well, here's one. I'll be moving to Cebu next week and I am scared to my wits. I have applied for a promotion last month and luckily, I got the job. At least I will be going with my friend/teammate. But still, this will be a new experience altogether. This will be my first time to spend the Christmas and New Year away from the family. This will also be the first time I'll be independent, meaning, there is no more Mom to ask for money if you've over-spent your last month's salary, no more cable TV to watch all-night long, no more brothers and sisters to fight with over who's gonna do the dishes, no more friends to call when your bored and you need to have a dose of your favorite Starbucks frappuccino, no more boyfriends to quarrel with over trivial stuff .... sigh.... so many things to sacrifice.
God! I'm gonna miss all of that. Thanks to the wonders of SMS and e-mail, at least there is no problem keeping in touch with each other.
But what I'm gonna miss the most is the companionship, the people, the time spent with my friends and coworkers. This is gonna be so hard.
Well, that's the price to pay for this promotion. I'm just hoping all will turn out well. And besides, this change will bring so many new things in my life. New work, new status (read: single), new house, new friends and new relationships to build. I'm basically starting from scratch.
Hmmm... I have this conflicting feeling over this matter. I'm happy yet sad, I'm scared yet excited. Well then, this will be a new chapter in my life and I tend to live it to the fullest.

UPDATES

I hate goodbyes. Who doesn't??? My last day with the team and my friends was one of the saddest day of my life.
Saying goodbye is always difficult and emotional. As I've said, I am working really hard to be less of a drama-queen everyday but when it comes to these kinds of things, I really can't help it. Specially if your friends and teammates (read: TL) has the flair for the dramatics. Hehehe! I spent my last days in Manila with the people dearest to me, my friends and my teammates. With the latter, we went karaoke-ing fot the last time together, our favorite past time aside from gossiping of course. It was bittersweet. I thought I would not shed a single tear that night but when my TL started crying I just sobbed. The Hoover dam gave in. I started hugging each of my teammates and can't help but think of the crazy times we have spent together as ONE team. It will be long before were gonna see each other again so I cherished every single second with them. I was hysterically sobbing on my way home.

The taxi driver must have thought I was crazy. But who cares, I was sad and I wanted to let all my friends know that I am. The good things was that I felt how appreciated I was. Though I knew that we as a team shared something special, professional maybe and personal most of the times but I never expected that I'll carry this heavy feeling while the cab was driving away from these people and seeming them disappear in the horizon. We say that people that we meet will ineviatably affect and change us in one way or another, I could not agree more.