Blue Christmas

In as much as I would like to wish everyone to be jovial and happy this Christmas, I cannot. Correction, I don't want. I'm bitter. I miss home, I miss my friends and family. You know how the saying says that misery loves company, it's so true right now. I cannot afford to see families and group of friends happy! Now I understand why some people cannot stand other people that seems to be so happy. I am really bitter.

It's not just that though that is making my Christmas less than merry. The fact that we don't have a house yet is another concern. We live in a pension house. What can be more pathetic than living in a pension house on Christmas day? The things that I've plan for my stay here in Cebu is crumbling into pieces because of the incompetencies of some people back in our Ortigas office. Grrrrrrr! I don't wanna think about that anymore, because thank God for the people that shoved instead of pushed, we were able to fix the problem.

One more thing, and this is quite difficult for me. You know my ex-boyfriend texted me last night asking how was I? I was like... duh! What do you care? I texted back and said I was okay with a tone of disconcern and obliviousness. I just felt that after all the things that happened between us and all the things that he did that hurt (believe me there's a lot!) I really wanna move on with my life and forget about him. Then, when I was starting over again, with my new career, new freinds and new love interest, came in the ex barraging me with text messages saying that he still loves me and that he misses me and that all our dreams is slowly turning into reality and that he's a changed man and all that he promised me not to hurt me again and that.... haaaahhh. I still love him!

Stupid ain't it? Yeah it is. But want can I do? I still love and I think there really no getting over him unless a could put closures on our "issues." My God, I sound so ready for an Oprah episode. And to make things worse, I have a new guy already and I think I love him. By the way, he's flying here soon so we could be together. I don't know. I'm lost, and it's Christmas.