Moving out and Growing Up!

Nine months and counting.
That's how long I have been out of our house. Nine months ago, I decided to move out and take the adventure of a lifteime. Independence!
When I accepted the offer to move Cebu, I was apprehensive, as always. It is but natural to react that way when we are moving out and settling into a new place. There is always the fear of the unknown. Thousands of questions starts to race into your mind. The "what if's?"
As I have said with the hasty and sad goodbyes I gave out to my friends and family, it is a bittersweet experience. This was a great advancement in my career and not all people is blessed with the same oppurtunity. I know for a fact that a lot of people would amputate a limb just to be in my position. And for that, I am always thankful.
Going back. I have always dreamed of separating from my parents. Don't get me wrong, my parents and I go all pretty fine, in fact, I was not one of those who went through a "phase." I have always been a good son/daughter (hehehe). But I know, in all of us, the prospect of being independent, having a full control over our lives, making decisions by ourselves is really thrilling. It was indeed. And everyday, I get to learn so many things about myself. There are even instances that I even surprise myself.
But moving out is not all milk and honey. It requires a certain kind of tough-ness, an attitude. Sometimes, there are difficult decisions to make, and the worse is that you have to decide yourself! There seems to be endless task to finish. Bills to pay, doors that needs repair, fixtures to be cleaned... stuff that we have always take for granted when we were still living with our parents. Like the fact that everytime we go home, there is always food ready. Or that we have to bother wheter the flat iron was unplugged on not. Simple things like watching TV with someone to share your thoughts and your laughters with, say, your sister.
Aside from that. there is also the inevitable pang of melancholic feeling every know and then while having your dose of Marlboro Lights that would just make you stupidly sentimental and you just wanna go to the airport immediately, buy a ticket, go home and the hell I care about my job!
Or, while you were watching re-runs of "Meteor Garden," you suddenly missed you friends and started calling them on their cellphones while you were bawling because Dao cannot remember Shan Cai and your friends saying "Ok ka lang, gurl?"
Crazy!
I haven't done that though. But I must admit that it crossed my mind more than once.
Moving out indeed helps you grow up. And fast! It rquires you to mature. It did, at least based on my experience.
But there is always the brighter side of things. You get to go places and explore yourself. Experience somethings that might have been impossible had I stayed with my parents house. You get to meet fab-o-lous people along the way that cannot help but touch your life in one way or another. I am glad then that I took this courageous endeavour.
And then you will meet someone that would open the dried scars of your hearts. Just when you thought that you are okay and not capable of falling in love again, they will knock to your door and we let them in. Again, a gamble. But life, indeed, has always a gamble. We just need to play it well.
Sometimes, I ask myself if all the sacrifice are worth it? The pain of being so far from you family and friends? The fact that you are leaving yourself open and vulberable again? Maybe it is.... I am hoping.
Yesterday, I asked myself before going to sleep, "Is it still the same old Alexis/Alex/Lex/Lexie I am seeing?" I realized, though calloused, hurt but not broken, a year older and decade wiser.... 'tis.