Blue Christmas

In as much as I would like to wish everyone to be jovial and happy this Christmas, I cannot. Correction, I don't want. I'm bitter. I miss home, I miss my friends and family. You know how the saying says that misery loves company, it's so true right now. I cannot afford to see families and group of friends happy! Now I understand why some people cannot stand other people that seems to be so happy. I am really bitter.

It's not just that though that is making my Christmas less than merry. The fact that we don't have a house yet is another concern. We live in a pension house. What can be more pathetic than living in a pension house on Christmas day? The things that I've plan for my stay here in Cebu is crumbling into pieces because of the incompetencies of some people back in our Ortigas office. Grrrrrrr! I don't wanna think about that anymore, because thank God for the people that shoved instead of pushed, we were able to fix the problem.

One more thing, and this is quite difficult for me. You know my ex-boyfriend texted me last night asking how was I? I was like... duh! What do you care? I texted back and said I was okay with a tone of disconcern and obliviousness. I just felt that after all the things that happened between us and all the things that he did that hurt (believe me there's a lot!) I really wanna move on with my life and forget about him. Then, when I was starting over again, with my new career, new freinds and new love interest, came in the ex barraging me with text messages saying that he still loves me and that he misses me and that all our dreams is slowly turning into reality and that he's a changed man and all that he promised me not to hurt me again and that.... haaaahhh. I still love him!

Stupid ain't it? Yeah it is. But want can I do? I still love and I think there really no getting over him unless a could put closures on our "issues." My God, I sound so ready for an Oprah episode. And to make things worse, I have a new guy already and I think I love him. By the way, he's flying here soon so we could be together. I don't know. I'm lost, and it's Christmas.

Lex in Another City

Living in Manila, Quezon City that is, for the last 22 years of my life made the person that I am right now. So moving into another city was a monumental task for me. You see, I love the city. I might have been mugged a couple of times, hmmmm three times to be exact and hates the rush hour traffic but I still am a Big City person.
Then here comes Cebu. I cannot say that I know much about this city, but based on what I have seen for the last 3 days, inspite of what people are saying that Cebu is already a Big city, it is not. It's like a big town trying be a small city. The flairs of Manila is absent. The bustling streets, the ant-like people walking on the way to work, the pollution. Cebu City is more quaint, smaller is so many ways. Though there are also many Manila-like qualities, for example, the pimps and their hookers and the staple sidestreet beggars and vendors.
I have always believed that if one really wants to know the city, the heart of it beats loudest at night. Same applies to Cebu. People would fill the park fronting our hotel. It's more like their version of Luneta, though it is a lot more wholesome. A good thing about Cebu though is their BEACHES! I have not seen much aside form what I saw aboard the plane, I can already tell. based on the numbers of tourist, they are beautiful!
What else? Oh yeah the people. Cebuanos, well mostly, have this notion tha everybody in Manila is rich, or least better than them. NOT! In fact, they are nicer and more friendly. I had this conversation with one cute Cebuano who has been to Manila once, I asked him on what he thinks is the difference between Manilenos and Cebuanos, and he said, " Sa Manila, mas madali magka-kwarta, kaya makakabili ka ng gusto mo. Yung mga tao dun mas elegant ba? Kasi dito pwede ka lumabas ng bahay na di naliligo, dun parang hindi." I was shocked. How little this guy knows about Manila, but then I thought, ignorance is bliss, specially these days. I wanted to correct his notion but what for? I might destroy his rosy-glassed impression of the Big City I still love. But one thing that never lacks in Cebu is mall! They have malls in every corner, small, medium sized, big malls. Though it's not like what we have in Manila, at least I have a replica of my domain, my territory, I'm safe. Heheheh! And the movies, it's kinda late, like a month late, the last time I checked, their just showing "The Cellular" and "Polar Express." Hmmmmpp... I hate it when I don't get my dose of the latest movies. So with all these things weighing against this city, one cannpot help but ask, what the hell am I still doing here? The answer, I don't know and I'm clueless as Paris Hilton can be.
And just to let you know, they have Starbucks here, operational since last month! I never saw a Starbucks in Manila that is infested by ants the size of a jeeepney because the site sits beside a lagoon with lush forestry around (no pun intended, promise!).
I miss the City. The miss the mean everyday people you'll meet, I miss my bed and above all. I miss my friends!

First Times

Life is always unfair, better get used to it.

Yeah, yeah. You've heard it right. This would be my first try, my sort of baptismal of fire on web logging. Though I have a couple of web-based account (e.g. Friendster and Myspace), I have not ventured yet into this wonderful world of blogging (that's according to my friends).
So I guess I have to write something funny and interesting to get your attention and waste some of your minutes to read my blogs. Well, here's one. I'll be moving to Cebu next week and I am scared to my wits. I have applied for a promotion last month and luckily, I got the job. At least I will be going with my friend/teammate. But still, this will be a new experience altogether. This will be my first time to spend the Christmas and New Year away from the family. This will also be the first time I'll be independent, meaning, there is no more Mom to ask for money if you've over-spent your last month's salary, no more cable TV to watch all-night long, no more brothers and sisters to fight with over who's gonna do the dishes, no more friends to call when your bored and you need to have a dose of your favorite Starbucks frappuccino, no more boyfriends to quarrel with over trivial stuff .... sigh.... so many things to sacrifice.
God! I'm gonna miss all of that. Thanks to the wonders of SMS and e-mail, at least there is no problem keeping in touch with each other.
But what I'm gonna miss the most is the companionship, the people, the time spent with my friends and coworkers. This is gonna be so hard.
Well, that's the price to pay for this promotion. I'm just hoping all will turn out well. And besides, this change will bring so many new things in my life. New work, new status (read: single), new house, new friends and new relationships to build. I'm basically starting from scratch.
Hmmm... I have this conflicting feeling over this matter. I'm happy yet sad, I'm scared yet excited. Well then, this will be a new chapter in my life and I tend to live it to the fullest.



UPDATES

I hate goodbyes. Who doesn't??? My last day with the team and my friends was one of the saddest day of my life.
Saying goodbye is always difficult and emotional. As I've said, I am working really hard to be less of a drama-queen everyday but when it comes to these kinds of things, I really can't help it. Specially if your friends and teammates (read: TL) has the flair for the dramatics. Hehehe! I spent my last days in Manila with the people dearest to me, my friends and my teammates. With the latter, we went karaoke-ing fot the last time together, our favorite past time aside from gossiping of course. It was bittersweet. I thought I would not shed a single tear that night but when my TL started crying I just sobbed. The Hoover dam gave in. I started hugging each of my teammates and can't help but think of the crazy times we have spent together as ONE team. It will be long before were gonna see each other again so I cherished every single second with them. I was hysterically sobbing on my way home.

The taxi driver must have thought I was crazy. But who cares, I was sad and I wanted to let all my friends know that I am. The good things was that I felt how appreciated I was. Though I knew that we as a team shared something special, professional maybe and personal most of the times but I never expected that I'll carry this heavy feeling while the cab was driving away from these people and seeming them disappear in the horizon. We say that people that we meet will ineviatably affect and change us in one way or another, I could not agree more.