The Year that was 2005

close - 1. ending; Synonyms: adjournment, cessation, completion, conclusion, culmination, denouement, desistance, end, finale, finish, period, stop, termination, windup

Whew! What a year, what a year???? That is what I can say for this year. 2005 is undoubtedly, bar-none, the best year I have ever had!

Yeah, there maybe a couple of bummers but hey, I'm still here, alive and rearing for 2006.

There are so many reasons why this year is my best year. The fact that I am here in Cebu, living independently, earning my own money that most people my age could only dream of, on top of it, shamelessly spending it. That's life kiddo!

Well, it's not all material things though.

What made this year a fantabulous year were the people that I met along the way. My life would have been less colorful without these persons. To all of you, you know who you are and from the bottom of my heart, I am thanking you all for making this such a great year.

This journey for my yet-to-be-concluded self-discovery has been a hell of a roller-coaster ride. But having someone to scream, get scared, cry and be thrilled with you along the ride definitely makes it a lot more enjoyable.

I know sometimes I may not be the best of company and that I can be a bitch, but I know that you can understand. I may constantly whine and complain about certain things, but I can only hope that you tried to listen to me during those times.

The lessons that I have learned are priceless. I know now that more often than not, life is unfair and we should get used to it. And that, even if life is unfair, it can sometimes lean towards you. If Lady Luck is smiling upon you, life can bring tons of pleasant surprises.

This year also thought me that a broken heart can be fixed and that one day, I might need to open it again. I just have to have the right person that would have the right key. I CANNOT BELIVE I AM SAYING THIS!

This year has been really a wonderful and fruitful one. I know that I have left a lot of things behind in trade of the future that I am living now, but hey, life has always been a gamble, and I am glad that I made this decision.

Call me a Drama Queen but I am. Thank you for making my sorry life worth living! BIG TIME!

Cebu is where my heart is....

home - 1 : the social unit formed by a family living together; a familiar or usual setting; congenial environment; the focus of one's domestic attention ; a place of origin.

Finally, after a year of slaving and slave-driving, I am home. Yes. Manila, Project 4 to be exact.

I should be so happy. At long last, my well-deserved vacation. I should be ecstatic. NOT!

I really feel guilty by the fact that my family and friends have been really looking forward for my return. My Mom even asked me why was I only staying for a week. I said that if I take a longer vacation, I might go back un-employed. But in reality, I was really afraid to stay longer in Manila. This is like a ghost city for me. This place is full of ghosts of my past, past relationships, past friends, part of my past that I have been running away from. One of the things that I have loved in Cebu is that it gave a me a clean slate, chance to start everything again.

The moment I set foot at the Manila Domestic Airport, I had this sudden feeling of stiffling heat. I felt so suffocated. While battling the traffic in EDSA, the taxi driver tried to start a conversation with me. He asked me if I was on vacation in Manila or if I was on a business trip. I told him that I have been working in Cebu for a year and that this is my first time going home. He also asked me about Cebu and how is it. Well, I told him that Cebu is far better than Manila and that the people is much nicer.

Manila is so polluted! You can actually feel it in the air. It is thick with smog and the air feels really sticky. The traffic is awful!!! My God, it took me three hours from the airport to our house. Good thing the driver of the cab that I took was really nice. The first one I hailed actually wanted me to pay 500 pesos! The nerve! The metered one cost me just 250!!! Welcome to Manila!

I am not saying that Manilenyos are bad people. It's just that, in my opinion, we were breed with the dog-eat-dog principle. It's like everything, everyday is a battle. A debacle. You have to always fight for everything. Fight for your seat in the bus or MRT, fight for your favorite table in a restaurant or a bar, fight for your living and your life. Although this proved to be a very good training for the corporate world, which works with almost the same ferocity, I am not used to it anymore.

When I was still in college, it would take me 1 jeepney ride and 1 FX Megataxi to reach my destination. It would take me 2 hours everyday! When I started working, I would need to ride a jeepney and a bus to reach work! It was a constant and almost endless battle to survive. I have survived 3 robberries, 1 hostage scene and thousands of embarassing and scary moment. Everyday is like a high-wire act. Death-defying.

But Cebu is a place that have grown on me. I love the city and the people. The life is less complicated.

On my way home, I saw the same people I have seen when I was growing up. It was such a deppressing scene. The fact that I have moved forward and going places in contrast with their false contentment with their sorry lives makes me mad and sad at the same time sad. I mean, here I am working my ass off to at least improve my way of living, but them.... them???? I dunno! Hates it!

I did missed my family and my friends though, so much! When I arrived home, our house looked different. I stood in the middle of my old room and it felt weird. I cannot feel my self, I cannot see myself. This is not me anymore. Eventhough I kept on insisting that not much has changed with me, the truth is there are. I may not be a whole new person but the Lexie that left Manila is not the same that left Cebu.

This may sound so cliche but the yes, I left my heart (with someone) in Cebu.....

Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros at ang mga Aral ng Buhay

Synopsis

In THE BLOSSOMING OF MAXIMO OLIVEROS Maxi, a gay pre-teen, is slavishly and uncomplainingly devoted to his family of small-time criminals in a Manila slum. He cleans house for them, cooks for them, washes their underwear, mends their tattered jeans, and, if need be, even covers their tracks so they won't be caught by the police. His world revolves around them. That is, until he meets Victor, a principled, idealistic and handsome young policeman. Victor befriends Maxi and inspires in him the hope for a better life. This doesn't go down too well with Maxi's family.

There are only a few movies that could make you laugh, cry, shout and cringe at the same time. This is one of those movies for me.



This movie is a total success. I have not seen a local movie in a long while that made me feel this way. Not only because the main topic of the movie is close to my heart, but also for the fact that this movie dared to tackle on this very sensitive and misunderstood, should I say "sector" of our society.

Though the movie portrayed a very stereotypical young Filipino gay, it was able to deliver what the story is about. This is not about being gay, in fact, I would not want ot call it a "gay" movie because it is not! This is a story of a family, a society, a battle between what is right and what is socially accepted. This is a story of a young person caught between his family and his desire to belong into a more productive and personal relationship.

One of the message that was parted to me by the movie was this, that no matter how harsh the reality is, and the current situation, love still exist. It might not be in a form of an erotic love affair but the love for ones family, for oneself counts.

I love how the movie also portrayed the relationship with Maxi and his brothers. It is very unusual to see such closeness between a tough older brother and a gay younger brother. The understanding and the love between them was enormous that it was the only thing that saved the family from total doom. It was love so pure that it was able to transcend the cruelty the situation presented.

The stories that the creators of this movie wanted to tell was intricately weaved into the pre-teen years of Maxi. These are the times when everyone goes though a phase of self-questioning and discovery. Although, Maxi was already quite sure of his sexual preference, he was not prepeared for what was to come. He was not prepared for his first love. I love this movie because it was able to show the true feelings of an innocent love, when love was pure and unadulterated. The way that love should always be.

Maybe, there are days that we feel all is lost, that we are fighting a lost cost. There are days when our thoughts about love and life is jaded and is cynic. There are times when we feel that nothing is worth fighting and living for. But the film showed us something different, it showed us that beyond what we see, there is always something to strive for. That even the darkest hour can bring the best out of people. And as Maxi did to Victor, he fully accepted the fact that there are some things that are more important and beyond him, so, he walked passed him, though hesitatting for a moment, then moved forward.