My Personal Mission Statement Sucks!

Hay! I attended this seminar last week on trying to create my own "mission statement" in life. It was okay until the time that we had to share or mission statement.
I was caught off-guard!
Honestly, I'm at a lost. I am a drifter. Que sera sera. So when I was prompted by that question, I panicked. I have been alive for the last 23 years and until now, I still don't know what I wanna do in life. I am not saying though that I don't have plans for my, say, career. But long-term planning just doesn't suit me right now.
As what I have said in that seminar-cum-rehab, what I only want to do is live the moment and enjoy every breath of every day that passes by. I wanna live life to it's fullest (such a cliche!). And in the end of it all, I want this written in my epitaph, "He danced with life's music, and Oh! how he danced!" (Drama-Queen!)
Hmmm.... there is one thing though that I realized during that seminar. I am not that young anymore and I need to start saving. That's a mission! (Thanks to Paul, that's gonna be a BIG mission for us! Goodluck!)
I dunno, I'm still lost though, as always. Maybe someone can give me a sense of direction.
I need my northern star.

Oh Cebu!

Whoever said that Manila has it all has definitely not been to Cebu.
I mean, I have lived here for the last nine months and I am almost loving every bit of it. And why not? We (as in Cebuanos, feeling!) have the best beaches, good food, great night life, most sacred of history and best of all --- nice and gorgeous people.
There is no other place in the world that you can be go from a bustling and booming metropolis to the most serene of beaches in under two hours? Only in Cebu! You can go to Bohol, Ilo-ilo, Bacolod,Siquijor in just matter of hours!
Here, you can do things to your heart's content. Cebu has it all. If you're like me that loves to see places, this is the perfect spot for you. You like going to the beach, easy. You can go scuba diving, snorkelling and para-sailing, if your the adventurous type. How about going to the malls, visiting historical places (like the Mactan Shrine and Colon, the first street in the Philippines, be careful though when going there, you've been to Divisoria)?
Cebu is also less crowded and polluted than Manila. You can still breath clean air without the fear of developing asthma after 2 hours. Here, the population is much, much lesser compared to Manila (except during Sinulog, then you need to ask yourself, "Where are all this people coming from??).
Going out on a weekend? Though I rarely to this because of the nature of my job, I can say that Cebu brings its own flavor into the the Saturday night party scene. Though compared to Manila, here, it is a lot tamer. But still the same, if your purpose is to get wasted, have fun and meet fab-o-lous people.
Speaking of....
Cebuanos has a certain kind of charm. I dunno, maybe it's the way they speak. Or maybe the fact that (in my observation) they make an effort to be really different from the Manilenyos. I mean, they always try to put a local touch in everything they do.
They have the sweetest smile that can capture your heart (like me!).
I have meet a lot of wonderful people staying here and I must admit that like many others, I was smitten by what Cebu and the Cebuanos has to offer.
I' m sounding more of a spokesperson for Cebu tourism, I think i should get paid for this, really! But what is the real reason why I am in love with Cebu so much? I dunno. Maybe because they have accepted me as one of their own (did they?), or maybe because I tried to find a refuge and they gave me one. Or maybe, just because maybe, I'm head-over-heels in-love with a true-(and hot)-bloodied Cebuano? Ahihihi!

Moving out and Growing Up!

Nine months and counting.
That's how long I have been out of our house. Nine months ago, I decided to move out and take the adventure of a lifteime. Independence!
When I accepted the offer to move Cebu, I was apprehensive, as always. It is but natural to react that way when we are moving out and settling into a new place. There is always the fear of the unknown. Thousands of questions starts to race into your mind. The "what if's?"
As I have said with the hasty and sad goodbyes I gave out to my friends and family, it is a bittersweet experience. This was a great advancement in my career and not all people is blessed with the same oppurtunity. I know for a fact that a lot of people would amputate a limb just to be in my position. And for that, I am always thankful.
Going back. I have always dreamed of separating from my parents. Don't get me wrong, my parents and I go all pretty fine, in fact, I was not one of those who went through a "phase." I have always been a good son/daughter (hehehe). But I know, in all of us, the prospect of being independent, having a full control over our lives, making decisions by ourselves is really thrilling. It was indeed. And everyday, I get to learn so many things about myself. There are even instances that I even surprise myself.
But moving out is not all milk and honey. It requires a certain kind of tough-ness, an attitude. Sometimes, there are difficult decisions to make, and the worse is that you have to decide yourself! There seems to be endless task to finish. Bills to pay, doors that needs repair, fixtures to be cleaned... stuff that we have always take for granted when we were still living with our parents. Like the fact that everytime we go home, there is always food ready. Or that we have to bother wheter the flat iron was unplugged on not. Simple things like watching TV with someone to share your thoughts and your laughters with, say, your sister.
Aside from that. there is also the inevitable pang of melancholic feeling every know and then while having your dose of Marlboro Lights that would just make you stupidly sentimental and you just wanna go to the airport immediately, buy a ticket, go home and the hell I care about my job!
Or, while you were watching re-runs of "Meteor Garden," you suddenly missed you friends and started calling them on their cellphones while you were bawling because Dao cannot remember Shan Cai and your friends saying "Ok ka lang, gurl?"
Crazy!
I haven't done that though. But I must admit that it crossed my mind more than once.
Moving out indeed helps you grow up. And fast! It rquires you to mature. It did, at least based on my experience.
But there is always the brighter side of things. You get to go places and explore yourself. Experience somethings that might have been impossible had I stayed with my parents house. You get to meet fab-o-lous people along the way that cannot help but touch your life in one way or another. I am glad then that I took this courageous endeavour.
And then you will meet someone that would open the dried scars of your hearts. Just when you thought that you are okay and not capable of falling in love again, they will knock to your door and we let them in. Again, a gamble. But life, indeed, has always a gamble. We just need to play it well.
Sometimes, I ask myself if all the sacrifice are worth it? The pain of being so far from you family and friends? The fact that you are leaving yourself open and vulberable again? Maybe it is.... I am hoping.
Yesterday, I asked myself before going to sleep, "Is it still the same old Alexis/Alex/Lex/Lexie I am seeing?" I realized, though calloused, hurt but not broken, a year older and decade wiser.... 'tis.

Defenseless

Giving this blogging thing one more chance!I wrote this during the time that I felt so wrecked and emotional over someone. Just wanna share it to all my friends, and besides, I missed writing poems. Enjoy!




--- Defenseless ---
I am
basking in melancholy.
Though it it selfish,
I am finding myself nourished
in this chosen solitude.

The cycle
vicious and unrelenting
is at the door peeking.
Trying to threaten
and take the best of me.

The reason
for leaving and moving on
is haunting me.

Ghostly apparations from dreams
startles me at night.

The past
is returning.
Just when life seems to be better,easier.
Then you came along.

With you warm breath.
And cool gaze.
Knightly.
Mighty.
I melted.
I was flayed.
Innocently vulnerable.
I was defenseless.